I had a soul sucking experience today. It’s time to talk about obstacles. My journey as the Edmonton Tourist has not been all fantastic, uplifting or inspiring. It HAS been those things but it has also been soul sucking, painful and depressing.
Today was the day I needed to walk 14k because tomorrow I have a lunch date with dear old
relative friend. I am looking so forward to catching up and planning and learning tomorrow! However, that changed things for me. I needed to walk my long walk of the week today. I had missed out on 3 training walks this week due to events/school/university/family events/life. I still swam 3 times and did yoga once. Was it enough to get through 14k? NO FREAKING WAY! I made it to 12k. Then i stopped, did some yoga stretches, walked a bit farther, stopped drank some G2, walked a bit farther, stopped ate some power jelly beans, and stopped.
I need to back up into the beginning of the story.
I headed out into the sprinkling rain today to walk 14k! YAY me! I was feeling great! I had energy, a great pace, great tunes, it was GREAT! I had mapped out my route, chatted with my friend the Reader and received more inspiration/motivation, then I headed out. All was great until I hit 3k. The water I loaded up on came back to haunt me. Luckily, the creek was near by. Having spent a substantial amount of time in my youth
living in the pit of dispair called a shed “camping” I knew how to improve when nature called! Luckily, I am the only insane person walking around in the rain…
Resumed the walk, picked up speed, and before I knew it I was at the 10th km mark listening to my sister’s future ex-husband Puck from Glee sing Sweet Caroline…then my wonderfuly unreliable iPhone died. Well wasn’t THAT craptastic. That’s ok, I was still feeling great! I had shaved off 7 minutes from last weeks 10k, it was looking good! only 4 more km to go!
Suddenly that voice popped up in my head…negative Nancy. I HATE her! She began to suck the life out me as I edged closer to my goal. Without the music in my ears, my thoughts started to take over.
Lately I have been struggling with the 3 of the 4 parts that make up me, Mental, Physical and Emotional. Spiritual me is cooking along. Faith still applies. It is the other aspects that are currently difficult.
Mentally – University classes have been brutal. I am no longer holding out for Honours with distinction. My financial course will be the death of me if I let it. I am hoping for Academic standing…it is the absolute best I can do. Being it’s my best, it is good enough… or so I keep telling myself.
Physically – I am pushing myself hard. It is difficult to fit my workout schedule into my busy days. All kinds of things are suffering, like sleep, play, did I mention sleep? But there is giant fish hook that has caught a hold of me and is reeling me in. I can’t seem to fight it…strangely I don’t want to. I love the strength I am feeling, and love the definition I am seeing. Odd situation to be in. To tired to do it, to motivated to stop.
Emotional – Emotionally my life is a giant pit of nuclear waste. Work – crazy emotional at the end of the year. Hate saying good bye to my
favorites students. Friends – have been so supportive of my endeavors it makes me weep! Relationships – have been going through some growing pains. It is odd but I feel like I should live in a box or move to the cupboard under the stairs. I really feel like I need a chrysalis to climb into and just heal. The more people ask of me the more I need to shut down and sleep. This time of year…and when I say time of year, I mean June…I am exhausted. I can literally sleep for a week and not move. It was hard waking up this morning to head out for erands. I just want to stop and sleep.
So all of this was racing around in my head instead of listening to the
beautiful great sounding Puckerman. It became a weight I pulled around, then dragged behind me. I got to the last km and saw my parents house. I knew I could walk up to it and call out “Mommy, Daddy, I need a ride home!” My parents being awesome like that, would do it. But instead of turning left, I struggled and turned right. Then I was walking along my sister’s street. I saw her car in the driveway. I knew I could knock on her door and say “Hey Sis, I need you” Because she is awesome like my parents, she would also drive me home – but I would get a TON of flack because she lives one block away from me. So I kept putting one foot in front of the other. Then I was home.
Lessons learned from this? You betcha!
- Buy a new iPhone or bring my old shuffle with me for the last half of the walk. I need the music to keep me going.
- I need new shoes, I walk with my toes up…odd I know but it is a yoga thing and I don’t know I am doing it. Now I have a hole in my shoe from my toe.
- I have walked 125km since I started the half marathon training. I want to set a distance goal on a map. Like….Esterhazy Saskatchewan. Grandpa wanted it to be the Capital of Canada, I could walk there and maybe get some press coverage and help Grandpa’s quest along.
- Taking two classes at once is TOO MUCH. I am NOT doing this again.
Yes, Edmonton Tourist, you can take on too much. Time to plan a vacation. But in the mean time, I hung out with my children and we watched a movie.
In spite of my soul sucking experience, life is good.