Things to look forward to until the next apocalypse

Apocalypse
Apocalypse (Photo credit: extrabox)

So if you are reading this, chances are the world didn’t end. I would have had a heads up from my friends and family in Australia, they didn’t write to say they died so I am assuming they made it through another apocalypse. Which is good news, I guess. But now I am on the hook for Christmas gifts.

I wouldn’t have been all that disappointed to learn the world ended because to be frank, 2012 was a craptastic kind of year. I am pretty sure I do not want to experience this year over, nor am I eager to plan for 2013. Luckily for me I am not trapped in a J.J. Abrams movie or tv series that would make me experience alternate realities and confuse the living daylights out of me until my head exploded. (Dear Disney, hire Abrams for the next Star Wars movie) But…I am grateful for a few things that happened. I will focus on those for the time being. Here is my top 11 things I am looking forward to until the Next apocalypse;

The Edmonton Tourist’s Top 11 things to look forward to until the next apocalypse!

  1. Movies: for a Sci-Fi geek, such as myself, I am really looking forward to all things superhero and spacy next year. Star Trek, Ironman, Thor… all good things in my book!
  2. Graduation! I am 4 courses away from hanging a degree in my office. As much as I am loving university, I will love being finished more.
  3. Running a 10k! This is on my bucket list and I will realize it in August for the intact Marathon weekend. *Disclaimer – provided I stay injury free…knock on wood.
  4. Edmonton now has non stop service to New York – if this isn’t a sign I should go, then I don’t know what is!!
  5. I am 2 books away of reaching my goal of 50 books this year. Next year will be about reading books that make feel, this year I read books that made me think. My brain is tired.
  6. Finishing Lost. I am late to the party when it comes to the TV series Lost. ChatterBox and I are watching it at a frenzied pace and now I dream about beach holidays – not that it is a bad thing – How did you people manage to wait weekly – or even  years to find out what happened? I have 2 seasons left.
  7. Hockey! Wow – serious NHL withdrawal. Luckily I am in Canada. All Hockey all the time. I have watched World Sledge Hockey, World Jrs. are coming up, Jr Hockey, Women’s hockey, street hockey and baseball. Still not the same. Get back to work guys!!!
  8. Sleep on a beach. Yeah the Lost influence here, but it has been a very long time since I snoozed in the sun on sand. While I may not make it to an Island Paradise, I can drive to the slough lake and stretch out in the sun.
  9. New spring collection! My new dietician is awesome, I can see myself in new clothes for the new season! That means meeting my Aunty in Calgary for some shopping!!
  10. Global warming. I know, I know…but I want to grow oranges in my yard without the hassle of hurricanes or earthquakes. Aside from the cold and snow, I quite like it here in Edmonton but growing citrus in my backyard would be fabulous!
  11. The unknown. Mostly 2013, in between apocalypses, will be about possibility. It can’t be worse than 2012 so the future seems exciting!

The Double Dog Dare

There is a time honored tradition, a rite of passage for Canadian Kids. It ranks up there with with skating on a pond for the first time, building a snow-fort or playing street hockey. For smart kids, it only happens once. Those kids who are less fortunate…well…it can be an annual school yard tradition as it was for my brother and sister. They were blessed with a sister who could talk them into anything…

And I did just that.

You may have seen it in film and TV and think it just isn’t possible, well I assure you it is. Not only is it possible, pride is at stake. The dreaded “Double Dog Dare” taunts most children into attempting this fate because no wants want to be labeled a “chicken” or WORSE a Leafs fan.

Years ago I had a friend who let me practice this dirty deed on her brother. He had a penchant for black licorice. I told him one frosty winter morning before school, the black wrought iron railing that led to his front door tasted like licorice. What do you suppose he did with that knowledge? Licked it of course. The number one rule for Canadian winters is NEVER EVER lick metal.

You would think that would be common sense. Clearly this is a skill lacking in Canadian youth. My friend’s brother licked the railing. The tongue stuck hard and fast to the railing.

If you find yourself with your tongue stuck to a metal flag pole, the first instinct is to rip your tongue from the metal it is attached too. This is not an optimum experience. Having your taste buds torn from your tongue has it’s draw backs, the first being the amount of blood loss. The second being starvation for the next few days while it heals. The third is the sheer pain of it. I have had many painful experiences, two of them being a mother, but the pain of ripping your tongue from a flag pole is one of the most excruciating experiences of my life. (Why did I do it? I was paid $5. Was it wort it? Hell to the Yeah!)

The alternative is to wait for an adult to come by and pour liquid on your tongue. That is less painful, but your friends have left you for dead. You likely have to go to the bathroom or a blizzard is on its way. Neither of those options are pleasant either.

Teaching in a school is always fun around this time of year. A fellow teacher explained the reason for coffee so eloquently. For all those parents who think teachers drink coffee while on recess supervision for the joy of it, think again. We use the liquid to free your child from the monkey bars, or slide. Either your child was double dogged dared or the genetic pool is shallow at your house. Whatever the reason, give us more coffee for Christmas…not mugs…just saying.