Face Palm

My friends often asked me about Running Tech. I work in the Running Industry, I know a lot about different stuff, so it makes sense. I don’t mind answering questions because I want everyone on the planet to love running or walking or cycling or something that keeps them active and happy. You don’t have to obviously, its just been my experience that the body and mind work best together in tandem.

Friends have an easier time asking me questions than a tech professional.

I get a lot of comments from friends like…. I have blisters on my toes and my toenails fall off – but I love my shoes!

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or I get a really a bad chaffing problem but I love my shorts!

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Really? I don’t know about you but when my body tells me I am in pain, I feel the need to stop. Pain receptors are natures way of telling you something is wrong. The Hubs wore a size 10 shoe and always complained about how his feet hurt. I made him get measured up…the man is a size 11.5. He squeezed into a size 10 because some time in his high school past he was a size 10 and thats that.

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I am training for my BIG Adventure this summer – you can read more about it here. With that is finding Bottoms that are comfy to run in. I bought a special skirt/short combo from Sparkle Skirts. Everyone RAVED about how amazing and awesome they are. So I had a Green Sparkly Feather placed on the shirt for my Dumbo experience….because I want to fly like Dumbo! I also lean towards the philosophy of NOTHING NEW ON RACE DAY. So I took my skirt out for a test run.

To be fair, I have super sensitive skin. I feel seams and tags and usually break out in rashes if fabric is washed in a soap thats not Edmonton Tourist Approved.

I chaffed so bad in this skirt that I thought I was bleeding. The band bruised my leg and I chaffed where the seam was. I was talking to my friend who said….Glide it up! Wait…what?

I don’t use glide. Why? If something hurts I stop using it.

I should have prescribed to this method with Boys – they hurt me….stop going back for more. But with clothes….WHY WOULD I EVER WEAR THIS AGAIN? Especially when I have capris that feel good right now. I will wear those instead. I just thought wearing a fun skirt would be…well fun!

Thats fine…my hair will have a fun Sweaty Band. And I am in search of a new Running Shirt that will feel awesome too. I discovered Nordstrom’s carries Nike for girls will that extra cush because some of us are built for comfort and cuddles. Running is something we do to stay heart healthy! BUT THEN… Nordstrom’s Canada does not ship Nike Plus to Canada. WTF Nordstroms!  Nike Canada does not have an on-line store for me to shop at… just stores for me to choose from that carry their product but those stores do not carry plus size. WTF NIKE!

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I guess that means I get to wear what I always wear. Regular yoga pant – does not fit the same as a running tight. I may shop in California when I am there but then I only have a few days to test it out.

Meanwhile… John Stewart has had quite the month too… I feel your pain man.

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And then this happened….

runningc2c5 years ago I was sitting in the car with my friend Simone and she was telling me how much she loves running. It released her from her stresses. I replied with…. I don’t understand how running feels good AT ALL. You are crazy, it makes no sense to me.

My dad always ran and my family was always saying “you are addicted to running, this is terrible, you need to stop, its bad for you.”

My dad didn’t stop. He kept running. He basically did what he always does. he replied with a “yeah yeah yeah” and did what he wants. Why? Because my dad is a grown up. He gets to choose his own hobbies, his own passions and his downtime spent freely from obligations.

Go Dad, you rock!

I met a runner who runs marathons…get this…FOR FUN. Seriously? Do you know how far that is? Dude, 42.2 km is FREAKING FAR! I didn’t give him the proper respect. I was all….big deal, so you run. So do lots of people. But the more I listened and understood, the more the Kool-Aid tasted better. I drank enough Kool-Aid that I wanted to give running a try.

Boom, 5 years later I am a bonafide Runner.

I have a Pie Run tomorrow. I get to go for a run and they will give me PIE at the finish line. Seriously….who doesn’t like Pie? I’ll run for pie.

I told my pal about the Run for Pie – the same guy who runs marathons for fun. He said “Pie? That has to be one of the best foods available a race course! But there was one time I had a sub, there was these people….”

We exchanged race stories.

Then we thought, this might be a fun podcast.

So he pressed the record button on one of our conversations.

Suddenly, not only am I a runner, but I am a podcast host who talks about running.

Weird how life takes you down paths so unexpected.

You can find my podcast Running Coast 2 Coast here:

If you like it, please leave a review. If you hate it, please leave a review with WHY. Whys are important for growth.

We are 3 podcasts published and have lots ready to roll out. Even if no one listens, we are having fun. AND I get to talk about running, my next favourite thing to running.

Doing stuff I like and having fun. Can’t get better that that.

Dad’s are smart. Well, mine is. Thanks Dad.

Me and Dadeo at the finish
Me and Dadeo at the finish

On Your Left

I am one of those lucky girls who gets to run with the man of my dreams. He runs at my pace, is cool with me choosing the route and is equally cool with picking the run himself. He never complains about how far we go and never mocks or teases me about how slow I am. He is the perfect partner.

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Until today…

Captain runs on the left just like Captain America. Until today…

We began our journey at the top of the 109 street bridge; better know as the High Level Bridge. It is one of my favourite places to run because it is so high above the river with the combination of a slope it feels like flying. Cap, as always, ran on my left. It was early, during the morning rush so the bridge was busy with cars. Cap had never been on this bridge before and the traffic spooked him. He didn’t want to run close to the rail, it seemed too high, and the traffic was just overwhelming. He was doing well, until a big truck rolled on by. It became too much. The Mighty Captain dashed between my legs and somehow tied his leash around both of my knees. In super slow motion we both fell to the ground. I am not sure how, but we both landed on top of each other.

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We laid there in a tangled mess and I asked him, “Cap what are you doing” because I couldn’t get him to move. He wasn’t hurt he was scared. We finally freed our mangled bodies and resumed the run. Only he wouldn’t run. He walked very close to my side until we reached the north bank of the river. It was then he decided to run.

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My dog is afraid of heights. Who knew that was a thing?

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We sat for a bit at Ezeo Farone Park so Cap could calm down, but then we were off. We saw a fox and a coyote, neither of which made my rescue dog happy that he couldn’t engage them in battle. He stared at me like I was cruel. We headed north and began running again. Being downtown was a new experience for my pup. He mostly liked the big trees and the soft grassy boulevards. Which is great because I want to move here soon. We turned right and I noticed my Garmin died. So much for tracking my run. Oh well, unplugged is great too. I let Cap lead the way at this point and he headed straight for more parkland, The Alberta Legislature Grounds.

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The trees are just beginning to leaf out and we discovered rabbits, so more running in random patterns all over the park. The cross-country aspect of the run was fun. Lots of down hill grassy slopes. We passed the Totem Pole and my Birthday candle (that’s a long story but it’s always burning on the south side of the legislature if you want to see it.) It was getting to be time to head back to the car, Captain was getting tired and running wasn’t what he wanted to do any more. My pup is getting old, 7 and he is a 75lb sled dog who rather sleep.

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We ran to the park exit and were treated by this sight, which is SUPER EARLY for Edmonton, May Day Blossoms!

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Back over the High Level Bridge, and surprise surprise…Cap would not run. He walked tight next to me not wanting to look over the side at the river, or too close to the traffic. But because we walked, I noticed something I had not seen before. All these love quotes embedded into the sidewalk on the bridge.

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All of these quotes are how I feel about my Cap.

My big ‘fraidy cat.

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Thanks for being the best dog and running partner I have ever had.

#WhyIRun

I was challenged this morning by my coach Brian

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at Running Down a Dream23 to post a video about #whyIRun.

That was easy.

I run for all sorts of reasons, but I started because someone told me I couldn’t. Nothing gets my dander up more than being told I am not capable. I narrow my eyes, focus on the goal and say in the dreaded whisper I give my staff “Watch me”.

I also run because I believe in being kind. You may be asking yourself, “What has that got to do with running?” I figure, if I have to work anyways…work to make a difference.

If I am going to run, I might as well raise money for a great cause. Check!

My cause is simple. I run to support children and their families who cannot help themselves and are in need of support. That is also a big reason why I am proud to say I help start a charitable foundation from the ground up. We are still little but I have a vision and just like the reason why I run, don’t tell me I can’t do it. I will drag you, Mount Robson and part the Red Sea to make it happen. People who are nay sayers have tunnel vision, are somehow misguided as to my reason for the charity and think I am in competition. Let’s get one thing straight right now. Any charity that helps children and their families who cannot help themselves is not in competition with me, they are in PARTNERSHIP with me. It will take a boatload of kindness to change the world. If we all work together we can change the world. I believe it to be true and it will happen. It just might take longer than expected.

Giving of self for others is a HUGE reason why I run…HUGE.

The other reason of course…this is a no brainer, is COOKIES

jammie_dodgers_2655228b chocolate-chip-cookies ba70b2e156ac36981dff4a301bddedbbDamn I love cookies. They are a ritual in my #CivilizedSaturdays and are that special treat for me where they used to be my daily/hourly food of choice.

I lost 5lbs in January. Total over three years 117lbs. I’m about half way. Think about that.

I have a lot of extra skin now. I am not ready to have it removed because it will interfere with my goals this year. Next year I will take care of the that. But I look back at photos of me, old clothes I used to wear. I got rid of everything except one pair of pants, and they kinda look like circus pants. They don’t have a fly because they didn’t put zippers in pants that big. But then someone says something to me about how heavy I am and I think…. you small minded F#$%T%#$

It sure doesn’t take long for someone to be mean.

JUST BE NICE PEOPLE! Jeeze… it isn’t hard! Okay, it takes practice to be nice, but it IS doable!!

Meanwhile….back to #WhyIRun

I am going to challenge YOU all of YOU who read this blog to do 3 things:

1. go friend me on Facebook because its fun and then I can see your video a little easier

2. Record a video and challenge 3 friends to comment on why they run. Tag me in it so I can see it.

3. Use Hashtag #WhyIRun #whyIWalk

Here is ME challenging YOU. I feel like Romper Room, I see Karen and Sharon and Tiffany and Scootadoot and Chef, I see Jenny and Ebone and Barbara and Cristina and Patty, I see Tammy and Mer and Charlotte and Kathy, well, I see all of you.

Let’s inspire the world to move more.

So, I hear you Quit: Deuxième Partie

A week ago I wrote this: So, I hear you Quit…

Since then I have had a lot of private messages come through from fat gals like me.

When I write, I get it out and then walk away. I haven’t given much thought to the blog post since I published it. But its resonated with readers, so I went back and re-read what I wrote.

I cried all over again. DAMN YOU TOURIST PEEPS!

Okay, not really, I appreciate you and the way you make me think and feel. Apparently, you appreciate me for those same reasons.

Lots of the newsy letters and comments from you had a common theme.

  1. People are judgey
  2. Boys are mean
  3. People like it when others fail
  4. Honesty is raw and strikes a cord

Lets just get this out the of the way and then I will answer questions and respond to your comments, okay?

First things First:

Write this out and fill in the blanks, sign it and date it. Put it somewhere to light the fire you are needing to get this show on the road.

Dear (insert the name of the person who hurts you most) ______________,

I am tired of crying because of the thoughts and words that you express about me. I am tired of you telling me that I am not going to make it or I shouldn’t even try because I was not (insert adjective of your choice – in my case its READY/FIT/PREPARED).

Without your help or support I will let you know I did a myriad of things that you deemed impossible. I succeeded in spite of you and I will succeed again. And when I do, you will be the LAST PERSON ON EARTH I will celebrate with. I will turn to those who high fived me, cheered for me, cried with me, gave me a hand up, quietly supported me and secretly knew I could do it. 

I am sick to death of supporting you and being the one you lean on in this one-sided relationship. Grow a pair, and I mean ovaries because balls are just too tender and delicate for this situation. You are my emotional vampire and quite frankly I just don’t need the drama. 

When I cross the finish line/graduate/lose weight/find a career, you being there won’t make a whit of difference because you didn’t help me get there in the first place. So stay home and sulk, because it’s not about you and you wish it was. Do yourself a favour and set some goals, then maybe you will finally understand what this whole exercise is about. 

For the official record, this is my plan for the year:

I am going to (insert your major goal here)

This is how I plan to achieve it (list the steps you will take to achieve your goal here)

This is how I plan to celebrate my success (insert the celebration of choice here)

Suckit.

Sincerely,

Me (sign your name here)

Now that you have filled it out, take a deep breath.

Your person who is blocking/sabotaging/jealous of your dreams/goals/abilities is honestly not thinking all that hard about you. They don’t think you can do it, the end. They don’t lay awake at night thinking about you. They lay awake at night thinking about them. They think about stupid stuff like, how can I get what I want by getting (you) to do it for me? Or I wonder if that sale on those great boots is still on, or damn its hot in here, I hate this Old Lady Hot business.

Truth.

We all think everyone is thinking about us but its not true. WE think about us. We dwell on comments made in passing and read more into things than are necessary…. well, I do anyways. And after reading so many of your stories, a lot of you do the same thing. If I am being honest, I much rather people be judgey to my face so I can fight back than if they silently click their teeth at me and I can’t defend myself.

So on that note,lets deal with the list of common themes from you.

1. People are Judgey. Hells yes they are! But you are too. You judge them right back for being judged. Its this never ending circular movement that makes my head spin. Here is what I am going to do about it.

Do my own thing with or without approval.

Boom.

My goal will be reached. Then End. Do I care that I don’t have the support I crave? Hells yes I do! But wanting it and having it are two very different things. I will carry on and complete my goals and Boom… I win, The End. So the moral of this story? JUST BE NICE PEOPLE!

2. Boys are Mean. No argument there. Boys are mean, but so are girls. That’s right, I called you on it. GIRLS ARE SO MEAN TOO! The big problem here is that males are different from females so it gets foggy in terms of hurt feelings. What one person calls truth another calls mean. its complicated. My boys were hurtful to me, but I was hurtful back. The End. Humans are stupid. Just BE NICE PEOPLE! 

3. People like it when others fail. This is human nature. I know a gal who yelled some smack that was shocking to hear. She said “someone is lying and it aint me”. True, but she was loving that the other person was failing. I wish I could say I am above this, but I heard that someone who annoys me failed and I felt smug… I didn’t want to admit it because I knew that it was shameful that I felt this way… but there was me feeling it anyways. At least I had the good sense to keep it to myself. Feelings just are. You can’t control them you can’t manipulate them, they exist without your permission. What you can do is control what you do with them. From NOT TEXTING stupid stuff, to biting your tongue when necessary. Kicking someone when they are down is inhumane and just plain cruel. You should be able to tell when a person is down, and not laughing at themselves. If you can’t, you need social queues to help you. There are books for this. But most people can figure it out. So whats the plan? JUST BE NICE PEOPLE!

4. Honesty is RAW and Strikes a cord. Hells ya! You know what annoys me? When someone is just plain mean and says “I’m just being honest” Really? Or are you Judgey, mean and enjoying the fail? Honesty can take a couple of forms, 1) your friend is being an idiot and you say “What the hell are you doing? SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!” Calling someone on their actions is not the same as calling them a douche bag. Its just not. And 2) so and so did this and blablabla… That’s gossip, not honesty. Gossip is hurtful. If you wouldn’t talk to your friend about it and can’t say it to their face, its not honesty, its gossip. Totally different. Honesty can be kind and painful, but not hurtful.

Here is what I mean, 1) you are a very thoughtful person. See how that was kind and true? That’s honesty. Now, here is painful honesty, 2) when you did this _______, I felt this __________. Ouch but important to know your actions cause pain. That way you can change your act.

The bottom Line? BE NICE PEOPLE! Why is this so hard?

I don’t have an answer, I just know its hard.

So here is my goal plan:

I am running Dumbo Double Dare the September long weekend.

I am doing strength training on my knee to get it into the best possible shape before I start running again.

I will run 4 times a week, include hill training, speed work and LSDs. Core and muscle work will continue as well as weight loss.

I will cross the finish line, get my photo taken and wear my medal around my neck all damn day, then drink to my success. I am dripping with confidence.

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There you have it, my goal. Simple and it doesn’t require help. I will not turn down support, but I have enough going on that I don’t need to search for support. Once bitten, twice shy and all that jazz. I know who my supporters are, they hugged me when I failed. They will hug me when I succeed.

Boom

The End

And for crying out loud…. JUST BE NICE PEOPLE!

A Long Time Ago…It seems like a Galaxy Far Far Away

Facebook this week has people tagging each other to post their original profile pic. I dug mine up and laughed my head off. I do not even look like that girl anymore. 10805809_10153052104311337_3776625163417669245_n Let’s examine this closely, shall we? Round face: check! Short curly hair dyed mouse brown to be inconspicuous and asexual: check! Hiding behind children to block the fat view: check! Extra large boobs resting on the belly for comfort: check! This is me 8 years later: 1937498_10152992100491337_432840494231829037_n Round face: yes but more oval, cheeks are still mine but I can no longer see them when I smile. Short curly hair dyed mouse brown to be inconspicuous and asexual: Nope! Letting the grey show through highlights and low lights. Not afraid to be proud of the age. I’m pushing 50 and earned all those greys. The highlights make the hair shiny. Grew out the hair to have more options. Running with long hair is easy and not as hot. Hiding behind children to block the fat view: Nope! I am not skinny, but I am sure happy with how my body has changed! Here is me and Coach at Disney Studios, sure I am still on the cuddly side, but I’m cool with that. I am a work in progress. I don’t feel the need to hide anymore. 10835140_10153038437086337_6177125536509154145_o Extra large boobs resting on the belly for comfort: NOPE! Those babies are gone and so is all that extra skin up top. Next on tap the extra skin on the belly. I am pretty motivated to keep moving forward in the progress. It’s always a great idea to see where you have come from, so you don’t beat yourself up in the now. I want to run the 10km at the Star Wars Weekend in Disneyland next year. I also want to dress up for it. Never before have I had the desire to wear a costume in a race, but COME ON people! This is STAR WARS! I have been a huge fan since I was a kid! I waited in line at the paramount with my little brother to see it, not once but 3 times! That took a lot of convincing my mom. The last time we didn’t even tell, we just took the bus into Edmonton and saw it ourselves. We had the action figures, well, my brother did. I was allowed to be Leia and the Sand People. Leia was the first time I saw a strong woman who didn’t need a guy to save her. She was kick ass from the word go. This is what I want to wear: Screen Shot 2015-01-18 at 4.04.37 PM This gal wore this for the Princess Half Marathon in WDW. Things I love, the sleeves, the length and the slit in the skirt. Things I will add will be a hood because SERIOUSLY look at that hood! Its awesome! Screen Shot 2015-01-18 at 4.07.27 PM I will likely wear shorts instead of leggings, white leggings are just…well…no. White compression socks and some sort of white gator over my running shoe. The belt will have my firearm and hidden pockets for running stuff. I will use a sock buns for hair. But that HOOD! That is the best part! One whole year to wait! Meanwhile I need to:

  1. Fix my knee
  2. Speed Work
  3. Get my sewing machine back from my friend
  4. Keep losing weight
  5. Post a photo of Leia on my dream board

CAN’T WAIT!

So, I hear you quit…

I am now home.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have been at Walt Disney World for the last week and now that I am home I feel discombobulated. So good to see my family but so sad to leave my team.

I traveled down to Florida to support my team in their epic quests for The Dopey Challenge, to attend some DAWS Foundation meetings and events and Participate in the Donald half marathon. I did a ton of stuff I had never done before and learned new things, met new people and had an amazing time over all. I honestly can say I love my team and wish I could spend all my days with them.

It was pointed out to me that I may enjoy starting fights at the end of the vacation because it is easier to leave in anger than to say good bye. Well…sure? I didn’t do it intentionally and I much rather leave crying because I will miss everyone than crying because I am mad. But then I learned that I made THEM mad.

Interesting.

Apparently I had a secret agenda for the half marathon. I was going to walk through the Castle and then call it quits.

I don’t remember it that way.

I do remember thinking “there is no fucking way I will be able to keep pace ahead of those balloon ladies with my knee the way it is. No freaking way.”

And there is it is.

That moment of mental strength out the window. The real reason my journey ended in the medical tent. I lost it.

That morning at 2:30 AM I woke up and was not nervous. I felt good. My knee was being a jerk, I taped it up, put on compression to keep swelling down, dressed and couldn’t think what I was going to wear to keep warm. I failed to bring throw away clothes for the start. I wrapped myself in a pashmina and figured I would be fine. It was quite cool and damp, but I was doing okay. I got separated from my team, but I was okay with that. I was mentally preparing for the fight ahead. I wanted to finish for a couple of reasons:

1. I love crossing the finish line.

2. There was a huge judgy rant back at the room the day before about slow runners and moving up corals so they can finish, people who don’t even try….yadda yadda yadda….

3. I have lost my mojo this year and need it back. My confidence is gone and this feels like one be giant fail of a year. It was harder than it needed to be or I am more sensitive than I need to be. At any rate, I wanted this.

I was enjoying the solitude of the coral when my guys show up. They found me. I was both elated and devastated at the same time. I had talked to my coach and told him my reasons for needing to run alone. I never run with people and have a great run. It is stressful for me. I don’t enjoy it. I can’t get into my zone and just go. I constantly worry. I know I am holding them back, I know they could go a whole lot faster, I just think about them instead of me. The WHOLE POINT OF ME RUNNING was to focus on me. That alone was a difficult thing to do. I am not that person. I am the caretaker and learning to set aside me time was really difficult.

Stressing that they would be running with me pretty much ruined my trip. It was hard for me to relax in the days leading up to it.  I would tell them no thank you, and I would get, too bad, we are running with you.

So there was that.

After I talked to my coach, I felt relaxed. I then had it in my head that I was doing this. My race, my terms, my way. Run my OWN race, the way you are supposed to.

When we reached the start line, I hugged and kissed them all, wished them well and was ready to watch them take off at the speed of light.

But that didn’t happen

They stayed around me.

I told them to go but they didn’t and it flustered me.

I ran too fast, I ran too slow, I tried to lose them, I was all over the place and started to cry. This was the WORST RACE EVER! I was in Walt Disney World! This was supposed to be AWESOME.

The worst of it is, they meant well. They were there to support me and I tried everything to get rid of them.

Coach came up to me and I told him how angry I was at them. He said he would make them leave at the first mile marker.

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It took 5km for me to calm down but I never found my stride.

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By Mile 5 my knee had swelled so much I had lost mobility and need to walk for longer stretches. I wasn’t having fun, I had no business being in this race and I wanted to just sit and cry. As I walked into Magic Kingdom, it hit me. I was doing what I had long dreamed about! I got my shit together and kept movingI was going to finish this freaking race. I stopped to take a selfie in front of the castle.

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Keep moving forward was my mantra.

Passed Buzz Light year, the weird happy guy from Tangled, a bear from Country Bear Jamboree and was able to really focus on the awesomeness of the course through Magic Kingdom. I checked my garmin and my pace was slowing. I had fallen behind pace by 3 minutes. I tried to step it up.

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I left back stage and made it past Mary Poppins and Bert on the left and the gold course was on my right. I was just over half way.

A big bus pulled in front and boom….. done.

The Grim Sweepers won and I sat on the cry baby bus with all the other crying/injured/slow runners/walkers. Worst feeling ever.

Almost.

I get to medical, they wrap me up, ice my knee, wrap me in a blanket and off to go look for my team. I have no idea where they are, I’m not getting text service, I am lost and defeated.

Coach calls and asks where I am because they were had already started to leave without me.

Ouch.

All mad at me for quitting.

It was that moment where I wished I hadn’t come. I wished I wasn’t me and I wished for someone to take the knife out of my knee.

I sat in a ice bath and cried. I felt lonely, disappointed and lost. I became that fat girl who couldn’t do anything again. Who wanted to fit in and just didn’t. Who wanted people to understand but couldn’t.

I was so ready to go home.

WORST DAY EVER.

So there we are. 2014 is done, this race is DONE. Soon the crying will be DONE.

Knee will get better and I will begin again….from scratch.

I can’t go back there until I am different. That may take a while, but I am working on it.

When I do… I will own it.

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Hey Universe! Thanks for the love!

IMG_3066There is a lot of crud and crappiness going on in the lives of my friends and other people who surround me.

Me included.

I have been knee deep in a pity party for two this week and before that, I was alone in pitiness. No running is hard for me and makes me cranky.
I miss the morning long run quiet through the ravine. I haven’t been alone with my thoughts for quite some time and it is beginning to show.

I am an introvert by nature. Meaning I need alone time to recharge my batteries. Introvertedness does not mean shy. I am a looooooooooong way from shy. I have enough brainy confidence to run a country – I may suck at it but who cares? I have the balls to do it.

I lack in confidence when it comes to sense of physical self. Running was fixing that. It firmed and toned and cleared the head. IT made me feel sexy and fit. Any woman knows that feeling sexy makes you sexy. I have come a long way from the massive me. Yesterday an old chum popped into the store and I hadn’t seen her for about 5 years – long before my transformation began. She couldn’t  believe how much I changed. I have changed…. A LOT! I have gone through a self depreciating time because of my lack of thinness. We all know thinness = hot and sexy right? Wrong.

WEll….. due to a pity party I was having, I was not feeling all to great about self. I think this streak began April 2011. The beginning of the darkest time in my life. Heart broken, pathetic, and depressed. This was me:

221872719111652119_zhxxVrsh_f broken_heart

I take a long time to heal.

I pick at a scab and examine it over and over.

Running was getting me through the bad bits. Okay….so was medication. But I was getting through it. I had reached a point where it really didn’t matter if I felt like crap because I could go for a run and feel fantastic.

I have run MAYBE 15 times all year.

One of them was the Calgary Half Marathon. It’s cool for me to run a half without a lot of training and still PR. That boosted the sense of self BIG TIME. Now I am anxious to run AND train to see how great I can do.

I am proud of my progress dammit! I have lost the size of a 16 year old girl. Imagine a 16 year old girl glued to your backside. Yep….I lost that.

I am not finished.

But I am missing the sexy mojo running brings. My girlfriends tell me I look great. The Hubs does too. But hearing it and feeling it are two different things. I have been slammed down by fake friends. These very same fake friends who feel crappy about themselves and used me to make themselves feel better. These women disgust me to my core. I am not judging them for their actions, I pity them. I am disgusted with myself for letting ME feel crappy about me so they could feel better.

It’s been a really long time since I woke up and felt great.

Well… It happened today.

I woke up.

My hair was awesome.

My skin is all soft and shiny – less wrinkles than other women my age.

My girls are perky and SMALL WOOOT!!!

I felt fab! It showed from head to toe. Rockin a smaller size jean. My toes still look great from my summer pedi, so the sandals were fab! I was smiling from the inside out.

Then it happened.

I looked down in the alley and found a Tim Card. I decided to treat myself to breakfast. I pull up to Timmy’s and order breakfast and a coffee. $5.09 was the total. I handed the gal my new card. $5.09 on the card. THANK YOU UNIVERSE! THIS MADE MY DAY!!!

It was like someone felt sorry for me and decided to treat me to a bit of kindness. I really needed it after the last few days.

Then it happened AGAIN!

I won $100 Future shop card! WOOT!

I went and bought a new keyboard for my Mac – a proper size one, not the mini one you get with the Computer. And blew the rest on iTunes cards.

I was smiling big by this time.

Then it HAPPENED AGAIN!

I got a Starbucks card from a friend who thanked me for something I did. I went and bought me and Chatterbox a coffee. The EXACT AMOUNT that was on the card.

Seriously, I know these are just ‘things’ but sometimes its the little things that can turn around a feel or even the whole day.

So here is to those fake friends who fish for information. Who hurt others while only thinking of themselves. Your life will still be sad while mine is awesome. I have just decided to turn you off.

Thank you Universe for sending some love my way!! New Day, New Life, Better Choices.

It’s all good.

 

 

 

How did I get here? And other surreal moments

logofrontToday is my first post for my new team Do Away with SMA (DAWS). you can read some of it below and then link up to the rest of the post on the DAWS main page. I invite you to enter the draw for a DAWS prize pack, there are lots of great things including a Team DAWS running Tech Jersey, Sweaty Bands and other great prizes! Just click on the Rafflecopter photo under the post.

I am not an Ultra-runner or an elite athlete, I am not a lean running machine or a fitness junkie, I can barely get my training in for to many races that I sign up for. So how did I become a part of this amazing project for DAWS? Good question, I ask myself that question all the time.

When I first met Joe, I was just another geek who whose interests in fandom were a tad extreme. I was a ‘use to be’ athlete from my youth; I cycled, walked and swam for fun – not to be thin or fit. Those reasons had never crossed my mind.  When I met Joe, he was a just a guy who liked to write about his running adventures. It had never occurred to me how far a marathon was. I wasn’t properly impressed. All I thought was… read the rest and enter here http://600k4fsma.wordpress.com/2013/10/18/how-did-i-get-here/