The Influencer

Dr. Evil
Image via Wikipedia

I have become proficient enough with swimming that I am able to lose myself in thought as I do endless laps. It is not until I hit the 45min mark that I need to come back to focus and concentrate on form so I don’t drown. Ending all this hard work by drowning would really be disappointing for me. Being in the moment and focusing on the swim itself is pretty boring, so I am happy I can let my mind wander. Today’s thoughts had me thinking and reflecting on what Trophi Girl said during my yoga session last night.

The thoughts for connecting body, mind and soul in yesterdays yoga practice we centered around acceptance of change.

When I started this journey, all I knew was I wanted to change things up. I really had no idea what I wanted and where I should start. 8 months later, I have definite ideas about what I want and how I am going to get there. With one exception, I cannot control every thing in the universe. For those of you who know me well, you can understand why I find this so frustrating. Polly said to me the other day, you always get what you want, don’t you? I want to say yes. I know it sounds like I am akin to Dr. Evil, getting what I want and controlling the universe. Reading this, I sound quite selfish. In my last university course I had to analyze my personality type. I discovered I am an Influencer.

Qualities of Influencer Personality Type:  outgoing, charismatic, charming, humorous, spirited energy, talkative with purpose (meaning can easily change the topic of conversation to diffuse a situation or bring about a certain energy – in other words CONTROLLING)

So Polly, do I always get what I want? Um…No. If I did I would be the Emperor of the Universe. It doesn’t say that on my business card. If I think something is reasonable, I will go after it and most likely get it. I will not use all means necessary to achieve something. I try to be respectful, kind and thoughtful. That doesn’t mean I haven’t ever done something horrifying and shameful to achieve a personal goal, because I have and quite frankly, I am not proud of that.

This leaves me with a troubling thought: For a girl like me who loves to control things and get her way, accepting things I cannot change is my biggest challenge to date. Let’s just face facts, it down right pisses me off! Not in an angry way, but there is this feeling in my chest that feels like a broken heart or an aching heart. It is hard to describe. I can clearly see what I want. I cannot force the universe to give it to me. Therefore I must accept what I cannot change. I need to move in a certain direction and let fear of the unknown stay by the side of the road as I move forward. I need to trust things will turn out the way they are meant to be.

I think that is called faith.

“The Whole Universe was in a hot, dense state,” huh? Sorry I was Sleeping

big bang
Image by { pranav } via Flickr

You ever have that moment that every parent wishes for? You know what I am talking about. The point at which your offspring surpasses you. You hope for it from the moment they are born. You hope for them to be stronger, smarter, faster than you ever were. You hope they reach their full potential, unlike you did. Well, be careful what you wish for.

My 14-year-old is a self-proclaimed science geek. I had the pleasure of taking him and his friend out to the Fringe Festival last Saturday night. My kid is the type to automatically understand the workings of things. His friends know it. This young fellow says to my genetic offspring ( I only call him that to pump myself up with the knowledge that he is mine – I had a hand in creating this amazingly smart person) “Dude, I’m freaked, where is that light coming from? What is causing it?” Without skipping a beat, my genetic offspring gives him the direction and the full scientific explanation  of which I only understood, “over there”. His friend goes, “Ooooohhhhhh thanks man.” And thus new brainwaves were created in the friend. Wish it happened to me.

If you have ever watched “The Big Bang Theory” Sheldon is my son with the exception that my genetic offspring has a sense of social cues and a killer sense of humor. He gets sarcasm. This may be horrific  for some of you but sarcasm is the bread and butter of our family’s humor. Sink or swim. Eat or be eaten. We warn ALL outsiders who enter the inner sanctum, we WILL eat you alive if the opportunity presents itself. It is never meant as mean, occasionally it crosses the line, but it is dished out will love. At 14, my genetic offspring gets this and can give it full force. I love every minute of it!

The other day my genetic offspring was explaining to me some spatial concept theory he was developing. My eyes glazed over and he said, “you don’t understand do you?” HA! Nope not a chance! Then he said the nicest thing everyone could ever expect their own genetic offspring to ever say, “Mom, do you know what I love about our family? I love that you all let me talk about my scientific theories and encourage me to explore it further.” At this point I was welling up, he went on further to say, “I couldn’t ask for a better family, well who are we kidding, I could. I could have a family who was just as geeky as me and who would have a good time talking about science at dinner, but you’ll do.” That is when I burst out laughing. That’s MY BOY! Sweeten them up then smack them around the ears. I love it!

At this point I would like to publicly apologize to my parents for not meeting my full potential. I went to a seminar last night for old people who are going back to university. I was really nervous. It was a motley crew of potential students. But I got it, fully understood what was expected. It’s not like I am new to hard work, writing or research. Having 20 odd years of front-line experience will really help. I can feel the energy and am so excited to get started. I have high expectations and know I can meet them. They talked about post-graduate degrees. Then I remembered!I got a glimpse into my past. Everything flooded back. I recalled what my original dream was when I first went to school 25 years ago. I remember the road blocks, I remembered the feeling of a high-grade point average. I now have an even loftier goal today then with what I started out with June when I decided to go back to school. I am not sharing with the blogging world yet. I am going to share it with my family first. My honey knows, and then I’ll tell my parents. I am not going to look at my sister or other people with successful lives and wish I was them. I am going to be them – well, who are we kidding, I am going to be the best version of me.

I start today when I go to the registrars office and pay my tuition. Now what does a 43-year-old tourist wear to her first day of school?