A Hard Truth: I am the family cat

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I learned some hard truths this Christmas. Apparently I am the family cat. And here you thought I was people! Well, I guess I had us both fooled.

It all started Christmas Eve, the family was gathered at my brother’s home for dinner and small gifts from the Grandparents to warm us up for the big festivities the following day. My family is hard-core. We meet for every meal in a two-day period. Mostly because we like each other and we like to laugh. The secondary reason is to complain and grumble about stuff we all understand and can sympathize with. The third reason is to eat and open stuff we love because if nothing else, my family puts TON of thought into gifts, the presents are meaningful. Try it sometime, its awesome.

Anyway…

After dinner we were sitting around the living room admiring the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, first tree my brother ever put up, when we started talking about the pets. My youngest nephew (who stands 6’4″ and 225lbs) asked his dad for a puppy for Christmas. He wasn’t interested in a girlie dog, but wanted a manly dog. My mom thought my nephew should get one because his dad (my brother) had every pet he ever wanted. To be fair, my brother look better care of all those pets than he has ever taken care of anything AND my brother is a great guy, so those pets were well-loved. He had Guinea pigs, hamsters, fish, rabbits, and dogs (one dog at a time). My brother does not want a dog anymore because he is tired of looking after animals. My nephew argues that he would look after it and my brother doesn’t buy that story. In the end, he is right, my brother will eventually fall in love with the dog and be the sole caretaker.

This story had us talking about the various dogs that tried to kill us, would run away as soon as the door opened or would fight the ravens back so we could enter the house. All of them great dogs except the one that tried to kill us. Grandpa took him back to the original owner.

These stories reminded me of this video called Cat-Friend vs Dog-Friend. I was telling my dad about it, when he said “You are the reason we never had a cat. You were the Cat of the family.” WTF DAD! OUCH! Then I thought about it. He was right. Everything I did, I had a cat attitude. I invite you to watch the video and when you see the yellow words that spell CAT – substitute that word in your head for Edmonton Tourist and you will have a pretty good idea who I was as a kid.

This was posted by @hilariousted on twitter, I see them the same way too:

How I see dogs: Beagle, german shepherd, poodle, bulldog, labrador. How I see cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat, cat .

Hope you are enjoying the holidays as much as I am!

 

Edmonton Tourist :Super Genius

This year has certainly not gone as expected. You’d think by now I would be use to the idea that ultra planning never really goes as planned. Way back in January I had my crystal ball gazed at. She warned me it was going to be a difficult year, but she also said I would get a puppy. No puppy – but I want one. Especially now, the idea of a little ball of fluff sitting on my toes sounds like a good idea. Then I remember all the things that go with that pleasure…hmmm still not sure I want to go back to being a dog owner. I do miss Sparky and if the Universe would guarantee a dog like him, I would be in! But what if my new dog needs prozac? Or what if I have to choose between a trip and staying home because I cannot afford boarding. Too many “what ifs”. That is where I envy I brother.

He is a straight up guy who stays out of everyone’s business. Doesn’t worry about much and just rolls with the punches. He has ALWAYS been like that. If ever there was a guy who I expected to have a house full pf pets it was him. He use to send his allowance to the humane society when he was 8. He had grand plans of opening a pet shop. He had no less than 3 hamsters, 2 guinea pigs, 20 fish and a dog at any given time growing up. When he became an adult he had a saltwater aquarium. It was gorgeous! It interfered with family time and he could go very far because of the tank…or so he said. The saltwater fish were time consuming. He eventually stopped. He is now pet free.

My in-laws all have copious amounts of pets – lots of cats. I am severely allergic to cats – that is why I have a feral cat living under my step. The Ginge doesn’t come near us and I haven’t seen him in a while other than suspect the neighbors over the fence adopted him. I like the idea of cats, especially outdoor barn cats, but I could never live with one (literally) it would be the death of me.

While I am thinking about having a pup, I also think about being a restaurant. I know you are dazed and confused, but seriously – one more meal to fix? I can’t keep up with having a vegetarian AND and carnivore – my kids easily could share a plate and be satisfied. They boy only wants steak. The girl only wants salad. You’d think this would be easy but I worry too much about nutrition. The boy needs veg and the girl needs protein. Then the pup needs food too… This is where I wish I was my brother. “Who cares?” He’d say, “It’s not a big deal, they won’t die” True they won’t die. There are people who eat worse things than my kids.

So here is a solution I am tossing around in my head. If you steal it my mom senses will tingle and I will come after you. I am thinking about opening a restaurant drive through that serves food for vegetarians AND carnivores of both the animal persuasion and the people persuasion! I KNOW! Awesome right? I feel like a genius. Think about it…

Driving from work to practice/game/extra curricular child event, it is pushing towards 7pm and you have to feed son/daughter/pet. Everyone is hungry/cranky/tired and there is STILL homework/chores/downtime to consider. Having a drive-thru everything restaurant is perfect! Order your pet food, kid food and wine for you! Go home throw it on the table/floor/sofa and the rest of the evening is yours! This drive-thru could even get your breakfast ready for the next day, add soap or socks and you are set!

Seriously, tell me this isn’t a brilliant idea? I shall call this The Pantry Drive-Thru and as soon as you guys review it, I will call it The Famous Pantry Drive-Thru.

The Edmonton Tourist – Super Genius.

Our Fish Died Today

I am feeling surprisingly sad today. I came home to news that our Betta Fish Optimus Jesus died.

He was actually a foster fish, but we loved him like he was our own. He came to us because a friend of ChatterBox’s was moving to Toronto and she couldn’t take him with her. Funny thing is, she still lives here, so I suspect OJ was abandoned under the pretense of fostering. Luckily for OJ and for us, we are the type of family who embrace everyone who enters our fold. We instantly consider all who enter our home – family. We benefit from this kind of acceptance as much as the person or fish receiving it.

When OJ moved in several months ago, he seemed sad and lonely. We jazzed up his room to make him feel more at home. We gave him mood lighting, a Nemo pen to look at through the glass and a Tiki statue to swim around. Chatterbox played music for him every day and talked to him constantly. She was concerned that she wasn’t providing him with enough. All parents feel that way towards their offspring. So off she toddled, down to the local Pet Smart when she inquired about a water purifier. Within days something when terribly wrong. The water clouded up and OJ went blind. He was crashing into things with his little cataract covered eyes. Chatterbox was guilt ridden.

She the cleaned his tank and transferred OJ to a holding cell while his home was being refurbished. He was left on the dining room table over looking the backyard when Chatterbox went to school. Her brother came home to the grizzly discovery. OJ had committed suicide and jumped from the tank looking for freedom. The strange thing is, there was no note left behind.

The family had a quiet memorial service and burial at sea.

Due to the distraught nature of the my children during this ordeal, I do not think it is wise we get a dog. The chances of ChatterBox making the dog blind are too great, and the aftermath too traumatic. I shall wait until they leave home and THEN get the BEST DOG EVER!

Puppy?

A four-month-old Lhasa Apso puppy named C-Zar
The Puppy I want - Named Jedediah

When I had my tea leaves read, remember how that gal told me I was going to get a puppy and soon?

I haven’t got one yet.

I think about it. In my head I use a baby talk voice that says “oooooo you sooooo cute arent you yes you are!”

That voice sickens me, yet I use it in my head to help me yearn for a puppy. What the heck do I want a pup for anyways? They are cute, and loyal with their little puppy licks and cute puppy toes… You heard that voice in YOUR head that time too didn’t you?

I need to make a list of all the reasons NOT to have a puppy – please feel free to help me out by adding to it.

The Edmonton Tourist’s Top 11 Reasons NOT to get a PUPPY

  1. They don’t sleep through the night – I just got ChatterBox sleeping through the night. A full night sleep is AWESOME!
  2. No one (MOM) will look after my puppy when I go on vacation.
  3. When Puppies get sick they don’t tell you what’s wrong…then I worry…then we are at the Emergency Vet for $1000 Alex
  4. Puppy poop needs to be clean up off my grass
  5. Puppy pee kills my grass – I only have grass for 4 months a year people! Grass is important to me even though its a weed.
  6. Puppy will want to sleep on my bed. I will say NO Puppy…But then he will look at me with those puppy dog eyes and I will cave because I love puppy more than the offspring.
  7. Puppy likes to chase The Ginge – my Orange Cat who lives under my porch that is not my cat but is a squatter. He things this is HIS house – Or he is a ghost haunting me.
  8. Puppy is very yippy – because puppy has a tiny puppy voice for a small dog to medium size dog. I REALLY want a Lhasa Apso because my last puppy was a Lhasa Apso and he was the smartest dog in the WORLD – true story.
  9. Puppy will want a purse to ride in. No puppy of mine will ride in a purse….unless he wants too – but then I will be embarrassed and have to blame puppy… unless it’s a Coach or MKors
  10. The Offspring will fight over who gets to walk puppy…liar – I will have to walk puppy
  11. Puppy will come with a stupid name like Foo Foo or Princess or Blue Ivy and it will take AGES to teach him his new name like George or Otis or Clive or Jedediah

Those reasons didn’t help…. yikes