Care

I have become a very social being. This is contrary to who I thought I was or what I thought I needed. I think what happened was I just made an effort to spend time with people who and matter to me and care about me. I think it all goes back to that day about 10 years ago when I started this blog (shout out to those who still read regularly – thanks mom!). I was looking for more. I had a light bulb moment Friday when I saw this:

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First of all, I don’t know if Oprah said it. It sounds like something she or Maya Angelou would say, but I haven’t heard her say it. That part doesn’t matter. The words do.

I sat in reflection of those words for two days. Things that roll through my mind while I drive or while I knit (yep still knitting two weeks later). How do you know if the people you like don’t care? And more importantly, are you prepared to accept they don’t care? There is nothing you can do to change their minds. No amount of doing for them, giving to them or pleading with them will make them care for you. The hard truth is, you need to walk away.

Here is my handy checklist to determine if people care.

  1. Do they say “I am sorry I didn’t call/meet/see you, I have been JUST SO BUSY.”? If they care they make time for you. If they are busy you might hear them say, “Look, my schedule is stupid busy right now but I have a Saturday free in 5 weeks, are you in? Or can I call you right back as soon as I finish this? And then they actually call you back? Yep – they care.
  2. Do they call you and tell you their problems, then when they are done talking they say, well I should let you go? If they didn’t ask about you, chances are they are using you to release their problems to make themselves feel better. Once they have unloaded, they feel great and can go back to their life. Meanwhile, you are carrying this burden of truth and have no idea what to do with it. Now if they say, hey I am calling to hear how you are doing, tell me everything. Then they share their stuff, chances are they care. If you are not mentioned in the conversation except to tell you their mother/wife/friend doesn’t like you, chances are they don’t care. But sometimes you don’t see people for a year or more – just facebook or Instagram stuff. But you just know you can call them and cry or say hey I was thinking about you. Quantity doesn’t matter, quality does. Yep – they care.
  3. Does it always cost you money to get them to spend time with you? If you are always spending money to go visit them and it isn’t reciprocal. Chances are they are not the best choice for you. This includes family.
  4. Do they reach out on a special day that is important to you? Your birthday, your dog’s surgery or the last day of Mercury Retrograde? Do they know what is important to you? If they haven’t asked, they likely aren’t interested.
  5. Do they use guilt as a way to control your time? Relationships are a two-way street. If there is an ultimatum list of things you must do to get them to care about you. Walk away right now.

I think I was looking for more because I wasn’t engaging with people who cared back. Once I released the people who didn’t care, my life began to fill up with people who did. This past week I went for lunch with two friends from my teaching days. We’ve met yearly for 15 years since we stopped teaching together. It takes us all day to catch up and we send notes to each other all the time. When one of our mothers died, I asked, are you okay and she said no. We immediately went to each other. Then I had another lunch date with a gal who I  see weekly – or almost weekly. Just an hour, but the regular catch up is reciprocal. It’s lovely. I text my sister and sometimes she texts first. I invited my aunties over for tea once every one hundred years, but when we meet up, it is amazing. My mom calls me every Sunday morning and we catch up for a half-hour.  She lives in Europe so call all the time isn’t easy. We make time for each other.

I wasted a lifetime trying to get people to care about me. Here is the kicker, once I accepted the idea that there was nothing I could do to make them care about me, a new person popped into my life. I spent a lifetime being supportive, remembering details, supporting these people when they had no one. I don’t think they have even noticed I am not in the picture anymore. I just faded away. I finally believe they don’t care. I was lonely the whole time I tried to get them to care. Walking away has brought new people who actually care about me in my life. How do I know?

  1. They call me to ask to hang out.
  2. They ask me about my dog, kids, work, hobbies, my book, trips, sadness and happiness.
  3. I receive tiny surprises, a note, a text, photo, a coffee or candy for no reason.
  4. Hugs are tight and I feel them giving me energy not just taking it.
  5. They remember important days, my birthday, an interview, surgery or a doctor’s appointment.
  6. They ask about my welfare because they actually care.

I think about the years I have wasted trying to be someone special to people who just didn’t want me. It breaks my heart and now I want a do-over. Believe someone when they treat you like they don’t care because they don’t. And that is okay, you aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Let them go and hold space for those people who do care. All we can do now is do better.

 

Direction and Purpose

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If you have been following me on Instagram   You may have noticed I have been busy and doing a lot of things lately. I just haven’t written about them. It isn’t that I haven’t been called or I haven’t had time, I have just … resisted. Its as if I haven’t been myself lately and honestly, I haven’t.

Why you ask? Well, mostly its because someone said to me they didn’t like how I make them feel and blamed me for things that were never my intent or actually did. And I felt horrible. Fear has held me back. But I hung out with my friend Oprah Thursday night and as usual, she schooled me in a thing or two.

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She was promoting her book, The Path Made Clear. I had a copy but because she is Oprah, the most Oprah thing you can do is give away your book…for free. I downloaded the audio version – which, by the way, is my favourite version because she narrates it and her guests recite the quotes. All excerpts from her SuperSoul Sundays. The point of the book and her reason for the tour is to find your purpose.

Now the thing is, you can have more than one purpose. They can appear at different points of your life. For me, being a mother was a driving force. Now that my children are adults, I can see why that was a purpose of mine. I am also one of Mister Roger’s Helpers. This is an actual purpose, I swear.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for thehelpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”

I remember him saying this to me, on TV, in my grandmother’s living room. Since then, I have been a helper. I have looked for helpers and when I could, I became one. I helped other children both as a child and as an adult. Sometimes I help other adults. They are harder to help and don’t usually want help. But I do what I can.

My other purpose is to help people up. This is harder to explain. I am aware of my surroundings. When I see a leader or a person in a position of power fail to notice someone, I notice that someone. For example, I thank people for doing their job, for being kind, for being creative and innovative. I thank them or compliment them. Some people go through their life without being noticed and all it takes is for one person to notice and their life is forever changed. Sometimes it’s asking a question that sparks inspiration or its validating their thoughts. Sometimes it’s remembering an important event in their life. Not a birthday but their child’s exam or their dog’s surgery. Something that is meaningful and shows you listen and pay attention. Either way, noticing someone is thanking them for what they do. It is always my hope they will be grateful and smile or express gratitude, but it isn’t a requirement and it doesn’t stop me from helping people up.

But I digress…

Oprah spoke about being small. Glennon Doyle talks about this too. I made myself small and stopped writing. Oprah’s story went something like this… The first year Steadman and Oprah were together, he went to Walgreens for something. A man called out to him “Hey Oprah’s boyfriend! Give me some money!” Stedman was hurt and upset by this and came home to tell Oprah how much it hurt him. At this point, she knew it wasn’t about her. 37000 guests have taught her it is rarely about the person being blamed. She waited for him to calm down and then she spoke. She said, I am Oprah Winfrey and you are my boyfriend. I will not make myself small for you. I have worked hard to be who I am and I am never going back to that small woman. This is about you.

Now Stedman had a tough life as a kid and no one ever saw him for who he was and what he was capable of. It’s interesting to me how the Universe sends you the same scenario or life lesson until you learn it and let it go. He went on to be a prolific writer of 12 novels and he is a motivational speaker on IDENTITY LEADERSHIP. I think he learned the lesson and moved on. Good for you Stedmen!

When I was speaking to this person about my blogs and a book I was writing, this person blamed me for some things and accused me of some other things. I felt terrible they thought this even though what I wrote was never about blaming anyone. It was about examining my life and understand why I behave in a certain way. The cause and effect of things. If they felt guilty, that’s on them. I am not blaming. I am healing. The only way to heal is to look at a situation and see what you can learn from it.

So that leads me to another purpose. Learning. Half the things I learn are by me writing out things and reflecting. It’s how I have conversations with myself. It’s how I teach me things. It’s my process. I have a large following who enjoy that. If you are not one of them, cool. Stop reading, this isn’t for you.

I cried for two hours during the Oprah show. TWO HOURS, ask my pal Rena, she was there and she witnessed my tears and gave me cute little arm rubs in solidarity. She knew why I cried. I cried because Oprah validated me. It was as if she was looking at me and said “Robyn, I know exactly why. You are doing great and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Don’t be small. Stand in your own power.”

That brings me to another purpose or mine, and its all tied to this blog and things I do because of it. I write I explore, I take risks and explore my feelings. All of these come with why. Why I feel the way I do, why I take risks, why I explore, and why I write. They why is personal. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don’t, but it never is blaming, it is just an explanation.

You can expect to read more from me, I know there have been a few people asking me to write more. I will but mostly it’s for me and I am glad you enjoy it and are along for the ride. Soon you will see posts about raspberry scones, secret valley paths, trips to Disneyland, Shakespeare in the Park and some other things up my sleeve.

But there is one thing I could use your help with. I am learning some new skills and need five (5) people to help me with my practicum. If you would like to have your numerology chart done, please email me at edmtourist@gmail.com I will do a free numerology chart for the first five people who reach out to me before June 26, 2019, at midnight MST. You will be contacted and informed if you will be receiving a free numerology chart completed by me.

Numerology is the ancient science of numbers with each number contributing a unique vibration to the story of your life. One of the benefits of numerology is that it can uncover your life purpose and life lessons you will face along the way to help you make the most of your life’s journey. It is not fortune telling or seeing into the future but it is a way to understand patterns and behaviours you notice in your day to day life and why problems keep appearing in different areas of your life. Numerology provides tools to help you figure out life lessons you have set yourself in your pre-birth plan. Each number has a meaning and it has the same meaning across the different categories. For example, the number 8 is a strong business and abundance number. It repeats a pattern in various ways but always has a money and business focus.

If this interests you, I need a few things from you:

  1. Your name that appears on your birth certificate.
  2. the month, day and year of your birth the way it appears on your birth certificate.
  3. Your Current Name. The name you go by today, your day to day name, first and last name. For example, if your name is Robyn but you go by Bobby, or you changed your last name. This is  your Current name
  4. Optional: After meditating for a bazillion consecutive days (actually its 924 as of today June 23, 2019) I have begun listening to my intuition. I am intuitive. I have been since I was very small. I am learning to rely on this more. Ask me a question about your purpose or path and I will answer/channel to the best of my ability.

What you will receive from me:

  1. A confidential Numerology chart that only you and I will know the details of – and whoever you share it with. I delete charts and do not keep a record.
  2. A chart that focuses on your 7 core numbers and Karmic Lesson
    1. Life Path – Your chosen path
    2. Destiny – your purpose
    3. Soul- This feeds your soul
    4. Personality-How other people see you
    5. Maturity- Potential your growth from 45-60
    6. Birth – Talents and Abilities
    7. Current Name – Additional strengths, lessons and experiences
    8. Karmic- your weaknesses and areas of growth
  3. A chance to ask me an intuitive question where I channel the answer to the best of my ability – I am new at this but so far I have been fairly accurate. Its a muscle I am developing.
  4. An opportunity to discuss your chart and ask me questions about it.

Still interested? Send me an email edmtourist@gmail.com

 

The Edmonton Tourist’s Favorite Alternative to Oprah’s Favorite Things 2012

Appreciative Audience
Appreciative Audience (Photo credit: freelancing god)

Let’s be honest here for a minute Oprah, you know I love you but unless I am part of the studio audience that gets the lovely gifts from your favorite things episode, we both know I ain’t gettin’ any of those things under the tree this year NOR am I gifting them. Why you ask? Well Sweetheart, I don’t have sponsors (yet – I am leaving my options open) and I am not on Forbes wealthy women list either. I will give you this, you have fiiiiiiiiiine taste and I will leave it at that. I decided to give my readers some Tourist Options when it comes to your Favorite Things List 2012

  1. Lafco Soap Set for $238. Ummm no, it’s soap and ONLY 14 bars of it. for the same amount of money I can get a lovely key pendant from Tiffany &Co. Soap that smells nice is lovely. Dove smells nice and for $1.99 you can have a bath size bar! Dove also sends a positive message to women. Now I love Dove but for that special occasions when you need a little pampering? Put Bay leaves in your bathwater. It is relaxing and I am sure your granny will let you take one when you are at her house for Thanksgiving Dinner this week.
  2. Octane Fitness Q37ci Elliptical Trainer
    $3,099, now $2,789 with coupon (expires Dec 31, 2012) That is an awfully expensive clothes hanger. Walmart sells a bundle of hangers for $3.99 – plastic and functional.
  3. Jetson E-Bike $1800 but there is a coupon code if you click the link. It is a very nice bike. I like my bike to be a bit more functional and less pretty. Who are we kidding, I won’t ever ride the thing in the first place. I’d rather swim, walk or run. Bus pass is a nice green alternative $89 for the month depending which city you live in.
  4. Giro Sport Design Reverb Helmet $48. Now IF you give a bike as a gift, give a helmet. It is the law here but maybe not where you live. Safety First People! However, a bike helmet will look stupid with your bus pass so may I suggest a toque? My family’s toque of choice is the Jayne Hat (Firefly Geek alert) but any great hat will do! My sister will knit it for the cost of a ball of yarn slightly more maybe depending on how happy she is when you ask her. Let’s say $5.00, I am sure she won’t mind.
  5. H2O+ Marine Spa Gift Set $98  with coupon code. I think it is worth it. I use this stuff because when I stayed at the Disneyland Grand Californian Hotel it was the hotel soap and shampoo. This stuff is so fabulous I paid $40 for shampoo when I left (after hoarding all the samples they leave in the room – and chocolate) So I will take advantage of this deal. the only alternative I can think of is actually going to stay at the Hotel in Disneyland and if you factor in airfare, theme park tickets and food, $98 is looking like a sweet deal! Buy it.
  6. Ralph Lauren Cable V-Neck Sweater   First of all, this is SUCH an Oprah sweater, don’t you think? For $198 I can buy 4 sweaters from the Gap, but they say GAP not RALPH LAUREN. That is a big deal to some people. I will wear a sweater forever and I am sure it feels fabulous. But I think no, not this year. Gap it is! $50.
  7. Coach Puffers  $458 for a Coach jacket. I am all about Coach but I shop Factory Coach because I can get 3 purses for $199. I don’t think $500 for a down jacket is that bad, except it better be rated for -40 and I think it’s not. I mean it’s Coach. It’s not meant to be functional. Down Jacket at the Sport Check $200 AND rated for cold Canadian Winters.
  8. Bougainvillea Bangles $31 sure they are nice but my sister can get those at the dollarama 4 for $1. How often are you going to wear them anyways?
  9. Tory Burch Michelle Tote $395. A great bag is worth it in my books but you can always get great bags at Winners. They had Tory Burch Michelle last week for $125. It’s Winners, go often.
  10. Julep Nail Polish Set $168? I don’t pay that for a mani AND a pedi. OPI $25 set of 5 colours you will only use once.
  11. Tusk Capri Double Zip Checkbook Clutch $138 for a bag that holds your wallet stuff and your phone to put in your bag? Whaaaaaa? If your purse is that big, re-think OR only buy bags with pockets on the side for your cell phone and wallet – all great bags have them! If yours isn’t a great bag, dollarama has makeup bags for $1 AND they come in fashionable-ish patterns. The best part? It holds your wallet, your phone and lipstick! You still have to fish around for it, but you were anyways for $138!

I am not going to go through Oprah’s entire list of 60 items, I think you get my point. Please feel free to contact me if you need an alternative for an Oprah gift, I am only too happy to help! Now, lets look at how much I saved you:

Oprah Top 11 Gift Total = $5787

The Edmonton Tourist’s Oprah alternatives = $516.98

That is a total savings of $5270.02!!

You’re welcome.