Put your boobs away

Feminismradicalnotion-1Why does it seem like self-esteem for humans is at an all time low? Why is the media focus on sex and sexulizing of women and girls? Why are more women around me subservient to their men? What the hell has happened and why am I the only one who is sadden by it? Okay, I know I am not the only one, but for every 1 friend who is outraged, there are 5 more who are showing their boobs off on Facebook, sexting with men who are not their husbands and generally sell sex to be noticed and wanted.

So what I am talking about?

Women’s role in this world… and by role I do not mean subservient.

I am gobsmacked by some of the things around me.

I am watching the Jian Ghomesi circus like a train wreck gone really bad. I cannot keep my eyes off it. Likely more than most women I know, I really understand why women didn’t come forward or tell the police. What’s the point? Unless there video proof…and then there better be a man to corroborate the story, Women/Victims are just not believed. I wasn’t. I told a few people, and I was accused of exaggerating because he was ‘so nice’.

yeah… about that. He wasn’t who he said he was. He LIED. Shocking, but people who are shifty LIE. Good girls keep their mouth shut and smile, don’t do anything that may upset ‘your Man’.  This was advice from my Grandmother, she was a quintessential 50’s house wife. She also was abused but said nothing – her’s wasn’t physical as far as I could tell, just emotional – which I think is worse. Cuts and bruises heal. Emotional trauma doesn’t.

Then I read an article from the Huff on how to have more sex with your wife…. are you ready for this? Clean up Cat Puke and text her.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

If the cat pukes and you walk over it to let me clean it up…you are a dead man.

If you clean it up and text me hoping for sex, I am going to tell you right now

  1. Cat puke is not sexy
  2. Cleaning is not sexy
  3. It’s your house too, so clean up
  4. Expecting sex for a task/job/money is prostitution

There is nothing sexy about being a prostitute. Whoever wrote that article also suggested that Texting your gal that you are going to buy breakfast so sleep in will get you sex…let me explain something to you

  1. You just woke her up to tell her you are going out. You wake me up and you are a dead man
  2. Surprises are not something you let her know in advanced. IT’s not a surprise then.
  3. It’s breakfast… you can’t cook? You can’t make coffee because its usually her job?
  4. Expecting sex for task/job/money is prostitution

Again, there is nothing sexy about being a prostitute. Well…some people role play and that’s a different blog.

Lately there is a trend happening with the whole ‘sexy whore’ thing. Halloween has come and gone and I saw WAY MORE Not-A-Commodity-feminism-23195990-400-600boobs and belly buttons than I care to admit. My niece let me know that an adult female costume could not be found without sexy connotations that go with it. This was true for even for children’s costumes. There is nothing more disgusting than a 5 year old girl in a mini skirt and belly shirt. First off, DON’T BUY IT. Don’t support these insane notions that sexulizing females and female children is appropriate. Why can’t we all just like each other for our interests and smarts and humour and kindness and ideas. Why is it not common to aspire to be smart, innovative or creative. Why must we be looked at as objects?

You want to have more sex? Tell the women you are with how smart she is. Listen to what she has to say. Respect her opinion. Ask her how she feels, ask about her needs, wants and desires.

Then tell her how you feel, what your needs, wants and desires are because THAT is sexy and no tasks/jobs/money exchange hands.

One day the looks wear off and all you are left with is everything underneath. Let’s hope it is support, kindness, interesting and innovative. Sounds a lot like friendship.

Now that is something you were never told to look for in a mate.

If you did, you win.IMG_7998

Is it STILL a Man’s world?

suffragettes-300x227I had the worst time trying to fall asleep last night. The last conversation of my day was with Trusty Steed. I was telling him about my day at work – at my new job (which is awesome!) and how yesterday was particularly tough. I am being tested from a management perspective. The people I supervise are pushing limits to see where my threshold is.  I expected that. That isn’t a problem at all. I have no trouble expressing myself or my expectations. I explained about the issue I had with head office and how I dealt with it.

And Trusty Steed said – I am worried you may be shown the door because that would happen at my office.

WHAAAAAT????????????????

Apparently he works at an ‘old boys’ club where –  the generation gap exists and strong women are not strong but ‘pushy’ or ‘dragons’ and women are ‘just’ in the office typing pool.

WOW.

I thought it was 2013?

I was hired for my organizational skills, my people management skills and to create change. I am doing that. I have handled easy problems and terrible problems. I have protected staff from violent vagrant street people who have threatened them, I have managed issues from clients demanding unreasonable things and resort to name calling of my staff.

I cannot imagine trying to do my job where I need to be subservient. Impossible.

For one – I couldn’t work there. I am not a subservient kind of gal.

And two – what the hell is wrong with a world where women can’t portray themselves? I come from a very long line of strong women. They were strong when it was impossible for men to take them seriously. Yet they did it and changed the world.

I am teaching my daughter to be the same strong woman. Her brother thinks women ARE strong and his choice of companionship proves it.

At Christmas time, my daughter heard her Grand Uncle use a phase that was offensive to her. She asked him to please refrain from using it. He continued. So did she. She did it in a way that require no man to stick up for her. She was clear, concise and polite – some might say bold. I wouldn’t, because if a man said those words he is just expressing himself. She was too. I couldn’t have been more proud. At the age of 15, my daughter is strong. She is the type of person I appreciate and want to spend my time with. So that brings me back to my work place.

I work for men. However, it is not a male dominated work place. It is an equal opportunity one. Changes are happening to better serve the female clients who are the majority. My workplace understands they need a female perspective to better serve these clients. I disagree on that score. If people are treated equally – then there is no gender requirements. We are slowly achieving that perspective and I am happy to be apart of it.

The ‘Man’s World’ is on its way out. Sure there are still pockets of it all over Canada – but the up coming generation brings me great hope. They see a woman or a man in the same light. Someone who is capable because of skill, not gender.

Amen to that.

Did that really just come out of your mouth?

Wonders never cease. It amazes me that men and women gravitate towards each other. On a cerebral level it makes no sense to me. Of course on a biological level it makes COMPLETE sense. But seriously, are they really all that necessary?

Before I get going I want to make a public statement saying I love the men in my life! They make me laugh, they comfort me and when it really comes down to it, they love me enough to give me my space. That is the key for me because I am an introvert. I know every one of my friends is laughing their heads off right now. No, really, it’s true! Given a choice to go out and have a girls night, or stay home and read. I choose read every time. My men know this and are used to me saying “I am going to be by myself now, don’t bother me.” I am blunt when I say it and they all think “PHEW! it’s about time! She is Craaaaannnnnkkkkyyyyyyy!” My family understands the need for me to recharge myself. I am “on” all day at work and quite frankly, that is exhausting. Quiet, alone time is a luxury that I will never give up. My siblings are exactly the same. You ask them to participate in some large group they will often say…”mmmm naw I’m good” and off they go to be alone. Wow, we sound like circus freaks. We do have perfectly polite social skills and use them with outsiders. But amongst ourselves we are very in your face BLUNT with the no, “I don’t want to be around you right now”. That is not to say we don’t socialize, we do, we actually spend an insane amount of time with each other, but my in-laws first encounter with my family was….What the….?!? When a birthday party in my family starts at 7.00pm, then everyone arrives EXACTLY at 7.00pm on the nose. Gifts, cake and 30 minutes of polite conversation then BANG! My family stands up and leaves. Gone and it is only 8.00pm. You should have seen the look on the faces of my in-laws. They were STUNNED. But I digress…..

So the question remains, are men really necessary entities in the life of a well-balanced woman? You read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. You know she spends a year of celibacy finding herself. I TOTALLY recommend that book to every woman under the age of thirty and over the age of 31. But do we all need to give up that fabulous man in our life to really learn about our self? Some women do. But I love men. In most cases I love men more than women. Don’t even go there, I am not a sex crazed lunatic who brags about being a nymphomaniac. Ask my husband, and he will laugh until he can’t stand up straight. No, I mean I love the male brain. Yes I can hear all my friends laughing again. But seriously, for me there is nothing more inspiring than how or what a man is thinking. One of my best friends is male. We share the same humor – Python-esc thank you very much. He introduced me to Chewing the Fat – brilliant humor! His stories always have me captivated. His wife (who is also my best friend but in a different way) often says “call Robyn, she will watch this movie with you” and it’s true. He and I laugh and laugh hard. I love it! Then there is my Father, smart, witty, insightful and loves self depreciating humor. Often he will say something and my sister and I will just look at him, shake our head and laugh. I treasure that relationship with my dad! My Husband’s the same way – just don’t tell him – I love it when we are on the same wave length when it comes to humor! But that’s not to say that the men in my life are always profound. On more than one occasion I have heard myself and my girlfriends say “Did that really just come out of your mouth?” Men tend to verbalize then think. This is different from all the smart, brilliant women in my life. Men will be all excited and enjoy the fact that they have their women captivated with what they are saying and then WHAMO! Out it comes, the verbal diarrhea. The room gets silent and the women just stare at the men like they are freaks of nature – which of course at that point they are. Someone always says “tell me you didn’t just say that”. Suddenly the party is over and the man is left wondering what happened. After everyone leaves you will hear me ask my husband “what were you thinking?” Usually meant as a rhetorical question, but I truly want to know! It may not be him that said it, but I blame him because it was one of his friends that said it. AND he picks his friends – ok who are we kidding, I pick the wives for friends and the husbands tag along. They don’t care, a mates a mate in their eyes, as long as us gals are happy. Am I wrong? So this led me to do some research. I wanted to know WHAT MEN THINK and HOW MEN THINK. The best way to do this of course is to read what they write. Novels by men tend not to captivate me in the same way as women authors do. So I turned to blogs.

http://rzrpromo.blogspot.com/

Men are Dumb, and I Should know by Jeff Roney is hilarious! Reading his blog is like listening to my husband. I completely understand his wife’s frustration.

http://backofthepacker.wordpress.com/

Built for Comfort Not Speed by abronxturtle is also hilarious and oddly inspiring!  I can’t see myself ever running a marathon but can often relate to his musings.

There is something restful about the way a man writes. It is straightforward and to the point. It isn’t cluttered with shoulda- woulda- coulda’s.  I always walk away from reading these blogs with an open adoration for these frank, lay- it -on- the- line style of writings.

Blogs for me are not just a way to pass the time reading something enjoyable, but are in fact research! This is what I have learned:

  • Men don’t over think. Women in sharp contrast over think EVERYTHING.
  • Men are inspirational when they don’t try to be
  • Men are far more intelligent the us women give them credit for

So, are men really that necessary in the life of a smart, independent woman?  Absolutely! My life wouldn’t be as fun or as thought-provoking without them. I love meeting every single one of them on my adventures as a tourist.