So you want to be a Zombie…

The thought has never crossed my mind before. Never once have I thought it would be swell to be a Zombie.I was the person yelling at the screen “DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!” Did those actors ever listen to me? No.

Then I got a text.

It was from new friend I met on a Board of Directors I sit on. I offered to help with stuff that needs done for a parade we are going to be in and out of the blue she texts…. So, you want to come to Zombie class tonight?

Gone are the days when my automatic answer is no. So I said sure! Let this day go down in history. I signed up for Zombie class.

I always had a secret fantasy to dance and sing on Broadway. Here I was in a sweaty hot old gym with hardwood floors and reflective windows that could be a mirror if I imagined it to be. I was living the dream….

I was nervous, having never been a Zombie before and I was in a room with professional zombies. I listened carefully to my instructions. Before I knew it, I was doing the first 4 sequences to Michael Jackson’s Thriller. I am not a Jackson esq. dancer by any means, but I can see me rockin’ it out like Jen Garner in 13 Going on 30. I could hear the music in my head and count the steps off to myself. Here is a clip of us. I am the one in the fabulous striped dress

Okay so maybe I just feel like that when I dance. But I likely look like this:


We have a 6 week deadline. The purpose is to be a Zombie Thiller Dancer for the Kaleido 2012 Family Arts Festival. Think of it as Flash Mob Zombie.

I think every single one of my friends should come. Why? It is more fun then I thought it would be. It is open to anyone who wants to give it a try. Apparently being coordinated isn’t very zombie-like so mistakes are better. Practices are 1 hour twice a week, email me for details.

Seriously, what else you got going on this summer that you can’t be a Zombie for the Kaleido Festival? It will be fun, I dare you. If you aren’t going to join me, buy a boat.

Zombies can’t swim…but I can Muaaahahahahahaha

I found my true calling – Solid Gold Dancer

Once upon a time, in a land far far a way lived a little girl named Tourist. She lived in a magical place named Edmonton. This place was a small town in a big city, where hockey players were treated like rock stars and shopping malls were tourist attractions. Tourist liked to go places to sing and dance. One time, long before MacT was VP of player operations, even before he was coach, even before he played volleyball tournaments at Seba Beach, even before he was Captain, but after he was in prison…so the time in between when he was winning Stanley Cups, he dated Debbie Andrews. Debbie Andrews’ daddy had a car dealership, but Debbie liked to dance and her papa like to make money, so he built her an American Bar in Canada, it felt a lot like a Canadian Bar. So no one really understood the distinction.

After weeks of camp life, river guides and sunburns, Little Tourist liked to let loose. She would go to Denny Andrew’s American Bar, drink Paralyzers, flirt with hockey players and speaker dance. Speakers were placed around the dance floor with spotlights on them to encourage girls to dance. So Tourist did. It was her dream to do this:

She danced to the likes of George Michael, INXS, Cheap Trick, White snake, Def Leopard, David Lee Roth and Pebbles. She rarely had to buy a drink. She danced with Hockey Players who thought they were rock stars, Football players who wished they were hockey players, some dude from FireFly and his brother, and a Scott named Murdo who could wield a paddle on the rapids like no other. He had subtle moves – like Swayze in Dirty Dancing. In fact, he was quite smooth with those moves. He would never join Little Tourist on the giant speakers like the Hockey dudes, he preferred out of the spot light. Those were considered fun Saturday nights.

Pretty sure this is how Tourist looked when dancing.

Then one day a dragon came and ruined everything…bla bla bla… you know the story. Monster steals girl, girl needs to rescue herself, girl goes back to University and work her guts out forever, then one day she takes a break. She signed up for the 64 days of fun program.

Little Tourist never forgot her dream of being a dancer ho/go-go girl. She just needed to place it on the back burner for a while.

Then one day, when all the stress ended, Little Tourist was invited to a biker bar. The purpose was Karaoke. Shockingly enough, she was the only one who had been there before. In fact, when she walked in it was like an Episode of Cheers. People shouted (only one person) TOURIST! Of course Tourist knows everyone and shouted HEY! back-atcha! Tourist has friends who like to challenge her. They signed her name up for all kinds of songs and she went up in groups/pairs and solo to sing. Tourist knew she sang fabulous in her head, so she pretended to be in the car. Old 80’s music turned to magic as the night moved on. Creepy bar guys sat and stared at the only group of chicks in the place. Obviously Tourist was with a group of teachers celebrating the end of school so they started the night off with a kick-ass version of Alice Cooper’s Schools Out. Clearly they were superior to Alice’s version. They EVEN had an Air Guitar SOLO because Angus Young is awesome like that. She can Air Guitar with the best of them…and in some instance BETTER. I know it’s hard to believe – but true story.

Tourist, Trophi Girl, Chicken Hawk and the Entourage kept picking tunes and amazing the crowd. Soon fans started dedicating songs to the Entourage. Ray, an 84 year old fellow, kept singing love songs to Angel, Ryan the fireman came and started chatting up Superstar. Only tourist suspects Ryan isn’t a REAL fireman because firemen look like this:

You’re welcome.

Ryan the Fireman had on a NYFD hat. Tourist suspected he was a tourist too. Bulldog wanted to start a knife fight with Ryan Fire Dude, but Tourist said let Superstar enjoy the moment. So Ryan the fireman sang a song to Superstar and she got up to dance with him WHILE HE WAS SINGING IT, because she is awesome like that and obviously is a cougar.

But the highlight was when Tourist was called a Solid Gold Dancer. (Okay, I think the entourage all got called solid gold dancers, but I am pretty sure it was just to be polite because between you and me – Tourist was the best dancer.) She has experience from her speaker dancer ho/Go-Go Days. How did this happen you ask?

Trophi Girl and Karaoke Queen got up to sing Shoop. Don’t know it? Sure ya do. It’s a little Salt-n-Pepa:

The Entourage got up and made their way to the stage to dance.(I’d post a video of the fabulous dancing but it would be redundant because it was EXACTLY like the girls in the video because the Entourage is awesome like that.) Obviously Tourist was the best dancer and carried the team, although Angus Young could hold her own in ANY dance competition. After the song the Hostess said “Lets hear a big round of applause for Karaoke Queen, Trophi Girl and the Solid Gold Dancers.


It finally happened and all on the very first day of the 64 days of fun program. Tourist with the dream of being a speaker ho/GO-Go-dancer  became a Solid Gold Dancer.

And Tourist lived Happily Ever After.

Because really who doesn’t want to wear shiny spandex, headbands and have all those cheesy moves?

*Look for Solid Gold Tourist at festivals and carnivals this summer

Flashmob Tourist Style

I was sitting at lunch yesterday with Trophi Girl and my new sidekick Wally Banana. Trophi Girl’s Blackberry buzzed, she checked her email and stared laugh. “Edmonton Tourist you HAVE to do this and blog about it!!!” she exclaimed.

What are you talking about? Apparently there is a Flashmob being organized for the Grey Cup festival in two weeks. Do you know what a Flashmob is? The Black Eyed Peas did one on Oprah. Take a peak:

Looks like fun doesn’t it? I checked out the website and looked at the rehearsal times. It really looks like a great time. I just don’t have the time to fit it into my schedule. I was thinking, that shouldn’t stop me from “Flashmobbing” when ever I feel like it! So I decided to incoororate it into my daily routine.

At work this morning, I was in the photocopy room, a colleague walked by and was humming a tune. I joined in with lyrics. Shortly thereafter, we were Flashmobbing! One more person joined in and it was a full on party! Then as quickly as it started, it ended. We left to go complete some work that required our attention, but we had smiles on our faces.

Fast-forward to lunch. I have a million and one songs ready for any occasion. I was inspired to sing “I like banana’s because they have no bones” because of my yogurt. Suddenly my knees and toes starting joining in. My sidekick Wally Banana’s shoulders started Flashmobbing too!

I have Flashmobbed with my offspring at grocery stores and parking lots. It is fun to do. I do get odd looks from people, but I don’t care. It’s part of what causes me to smile. One day I really want to be a part of an organized Flashmob. It might be fun to do for a year end wind up at work. One day I will do it. Hopefully soon, like next summer.

Meanwhile, I will watch my favorite Flashmob scenes and practice.

*edit November 24

The Flashmob happened Downtown tonight for the Grey Cup opening ceremonies.

Here is what it looked like from City Hall tonight. No I wasn’t there but it looked like FUN!

Do a Little Dance…Get Down Tonight!

KC and the Sunshine Band (album)
Image via Wikipedia

My day started out BAD. Then it became worse. I even cursed at work. Not usually like me, no clients were around – just a colleague, but still… not a proud moment. Then, like a ray of sunshine in walked one of those Angels, the kind that fixes everything, kisses the boo boo better, and makes the world all right once more. I am grateful she appeared and is staying for a while. So off I went to do my work with a little tune in my head to keep me happy.

I sat at the desk, typing away, answering messages, checking emails when the Angel appeared again and looked at me oddly. I looked up from the desk, met her gaze with a quizzical look and gave her my best Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor “Aaarroooo?” And she said “what are you listening too?”

You mean you can’t hear the music in my head? So the strange desk dance must seem odd. You see I was singing and dancing to KC and the Sunshine Band in my head. This always helps me focus, complete my tasks in a timely fashion and makes me happy. Not necessarily KC, but some other happy song always works. I come from a long line of head singers. No I don’t mean LEAD singers, HEAD singers is exactly what I mean.

I would walk into the kitchen as a kid to witness my mother in a “shakin’ her bootie” moment. Her music of choice was something from American Graffiti. I would jump in beside her, and we would dance to absent music, only available in our heads. Not cool dancing either. The kind of dork dancing that makes everyone laugh. Often my sister would join in, only she was so little, we would pick her up and twirl. Her giggles were infectious. Before long we were all doing the Happy Dance and laughing until our sides hurt.

The only way I can properly describe the Dork Dance or Happy Dance is this: please visualize Muppets dancing with their mouths open and arms flailing about. That is as close as I can describe to how cool we looked. The kicker being, this could happen anywhere. No location on the planet is to obscure or off limits. We have done the Happy Dance on Main Street USA in Disneyland. I have watched my sister Happy Dance in Paris at the age of three where countless Japanese tourists took a video her. We  even Happy Danced at my Grandfather’s funeral last year, honoring his Old Man Dance. Nothing is sacred, if you need to be happy, DANCE!

I have carried on the time honored tradition and corrupted my children. We all stopped one day in the middle of Sobey’s parking lot to Happy Dance. I cannot tell you what we were celebrating, but I do remember saying “Happy Dance!” everyone froze in their tracks and we all danced.

Tonight when I came home from work, Genetic Offspring was pretty excited about the new series “Hawaii Five-O” starting. I sang the first five notes, and suddenly the Happy Dancing started! Chatterbox and I carried it on the longest.

I must say dancing is the quickest way to cure what ails you.

Last year I forgot about dancing. I was just too wrapped up in stuff that bogged me down. So listen up fellow tourists!

Eat, Drink and most of all Dance.

Because silly makes the stress go away.

There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.  ~Edwin Denby