I am Looking for a New Friend…with a Side of Caution and a Bowl of Respect

A doormat no more. That is my motto, at least I am attempting to live by those rules. I have had a very difficult year. I had a decision to make and I put it off because quite frankly it is was easier and somewhat more comforting not to have to make the decision that I KNOW is good for me, than to have to make a choice that could potentially change everything.

I was at my Dietician’s office today, and visiting her and my life coach always brings about further thought and exploration. I ran into my life coach at the same office, it feels like running into an old and dear friend. I love her! She is kind, smart and respectful. This is something I need more of in my life. RESPECT. My Dietician and I spoke to the emotional eating issues I am facing. I am still chugging along but lately things have come to a head. I did some things about it this week.

I said good by to people who suck energy from me. I told one person at point blank range, that I could no longer be the person they needed me to be. It was hard. The truth of the matter was, they could not be the person I needed them to be. I needed to face facts. I love this person to the core of my soul, but I have to walk away. You can only give so much. Then you need stuff in return to replenish the well. I can’t wait for promises to be kept only to know it will never happen. Track records speak for themself. The reality is people don’t typically change their core. You can improve and develop what you have if you really want to. Respect people’s time. Respect their level of commitment to you. Respect their feelings. Respect their children. Respect their time…did I say that already? If you SAY you are doing something DO IT. Don’t promise the moon and then not produce…not cool. Pie crust promises are just soul sucking. Easily made, easily broken. I guess the bottom line is I wasn’t as important to them as they were to me. That hurts.

Now that I have washed my hands of that situation, I cannot tell you how light and lovely I feel. Knowing is freeing. I am not as sad as I thought I would be. I was far more emotional while i was trying to decide what to do. Once the decision was made, it was very business like and comfortable. I like that. Do I wish things were different? Absolutely, but wishing is not the same as achieving. I cannot control someone elses behavior. You BET I want that skill, but alas…I am not magic.

With all the drama that has been circulating around both on WordPress and in my personal and work life, I am thankful for the peaceful moment I currently have.

Breathe with me <inhale through the nose> <exhale though the mouth> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh better? I think so.

My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I realize I wasn’t ready to let go. I have made major changes to my core and need to respect myself too. Now it’s all good and time to make new friends with a side of caution and a bowl of respect.

Danger Girl Rides Again

When I was 4, My best friend and I had very active imaginations. We strapped towels to our shirts, slipped on our rubber boots and flew all over the neighbourhood. We were super heroes. Our mission? To rid the world of bad ghosts. We had special lightning bolts in a compartment built into our chest. We would leap from shed roofs, scale trees and build forts. We were invincible – not to mention cool, awesome and spectacular.

Then I moved to Yellowknife. The Danger Girl Duo was never to ride again. Danger Girl did live in my thoughts for the rest of my life. I loved her tenacity and strength, her courage and bravery. I loved that I picked a super hero that I created, not Stan Lee. Danger Girl was all me and Tanya.

This morning I felt I needed to dig out my cape and don my wellies. I feel like I need that added support while I forge through my week. Not that my week is stressful. It isn’t AT ALL! My class is lovely. Sweet, on the ball beauties that are fun and interesting – not tiring and stressful. I cut down on University classes this term and have only one class, I am not training for any huge races. All in all, things are awesome….so why do I feel like I am trying to keep my head above water?

Good Question Danger Girl!

I went to see my…not sure what to call her, I guess ‘Life Coach” is the best term. My Life Coach visits happen once a month. I go see her for support in all I do from exercise, to weight loss, from goal setting to relationship advise. I trust her completely and adore her in ways I never expected too. Anyway….. I went and saw my Life Coach. She took one look at me and said “are you not sleeping? You look exhausted!” Hmmm….well…I do have things on my mind and I think I have crashed. My cape slipped a bit.

I told her am feeling pressure and feel like I am in mourning. WHAT?!?!?! After setting the HUGE goal of a half marathon – huge for me… and working hard to achieve it, taking 2 classes at once, teaching in one of the most difficult scenarios I have ever been in, dealing with relationship changes, children moving on to high school, then having it all end on August 21, 2011. I feel…empty. The emotional well is dried up and it isn’t filling at a decent rate.

I thought maybe I just need a new goal! So I set one to run 5k. I hate it. I hate running. I hate it almost as much as walking. Maybe less because it isii over faster. You know what my Life coach said? She said, so change your goal.

WHAT???????????? You can do that? Isn’t that called QUITING???????????? I am NOT A QUITTER!!!!!!!!

Apparently it is not quitting. It is CHANGING. She said, you are tired. Why don’t you make a goal to have fun and relax. Lay on the couch. Watch a lot of movies. Read a lot of books that don’t have to do with qualitative or quantitive research. Read a book for FUN? WOW novel concept. She said, swim because you find that fun. It’s true I do. AND I resent having to go to the gym and miss out on swimming because I have to run. If I wish, I can run later.

Time to regroup. She suggested I take all the time I need to rest. Karma is giving me a break and has severely lightened my load. I need to take advantage of that. I haven’t had “nothing to do” since last summer, 2010. While I still HAVE lots to do, it feels like nothing in comparison. 4 major projects, 7 papers, 9 books to read for school will keep my weekends full, BUT I won’t be working into the wee hours of the night this time….phew….

I might actually go TO the movies! I have a 100 birthday party to go to on saturday, I am in the middle of reading 3 great books I can’t put down! I am in the middle of planning a wine and cheese party with Polly and the gals. So my next goal is to have fun. Not work so hard. Quit rushing everywhere!!

Chill Danger Girl and fly.