I died a little bit today.The worst possible scenario happened to me. I was devastated and this is why,

This Guy

Dick Van Dyke, you know the guy who was Bert, Mary Poppins’ secret boyfriend, remarried February 29th 2012. Obviously he was afraid to tell because I only found out TODAY! I cried a 1000 tears today because he married this gal

Dick, my ex-boyfriend, married Arlene Silver-Van Dyke. Devastated isn’t close to what I am feeling. It’s deeper. Betrayed maybe?

Here’s the thing…If I had KNOWN Dyke was looking for a gal 46 years younger than him, I would have thrown my hat into the ring. Sure he is as old as my grandpa and his cronies but its BERT! I can put up with a lot for a chance to marry Bert. Maybe this should have been a bachelor show. I would have auditioned. I can sing and dance. I know all the same songs Dick knows. I could run lines with him. I can dress in designer things and work the carpet events. I am mad because he never even had the courtesy to let me take him for a date.

I would have brought him to a table for two, out in the country with adorable waiters and strawberry ice. Maybe strolled along a lovely path that led to a carousel and ask the  driver to step in time and join a fox hunt. Then perhaps race in the derby. It would have been lovely to hear him say to his girl (me) supercagafragalisticexpialadoicous because now his girl’s his wife! IT SHOULD BE ME!

Who knew it was okay to marry your grandpa’s friend? Sure he’s old, but he can’t live forever. Chances are his wife will out live him and be rich in the process. But that is not the part I am interested in. I love a man who is a great storyteller. I am not talking about traffic stories or weather stories (long story don’t ask). I am talking about Mary Poppins/Julie Andrews stories, or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang stories or Bye Bye Birdie Stories. Who doesn’t want to hear about Debbie Reynolds?

I feel ripped off. I am an overachiever and would have like to be ASKED to at least compete for the position. SO NOT FAIR!

This now means I need to move down the list. Let’s face facts, George will soon tire of Stacy Keibler. she can’t last forever. I will be in Italy next summer. I will be ready.

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