A doormat no more. That is my motto, at least I am attempting to live by those rules. I have had a very difficult year. I had a decision to make and I put it off because quite frankly it is was easier and somewhat more comforting not to have to make the decision that I KNOW is good for me, than to have to make a choice that could potentially change everything.
I was at my Dietician’s office today, and visiting her and my life coach always brings about further thought and exploration. I ran into my life coach at the same office, it feels like running into an old and dear friend. I love her! She is kind, smart and respectful. This is something I need more of in my life. RESPECT. My Dietician and I spoke to the emotional eating issues I am facing. I am still chugging along but lately things have come to a head. I did some things about it this week.
I said good by to people who suck energy from me. I told one person at point blank range, that I could no longer be the person they needed me to be. It was hard. The truth of the matter was, they could not be the person I needed them to be. I needed to face facts. I love this person to the core of my soul, but I have to walk away. You can only give so much. Then you need stuff in return to replenish the well. I can’t wait for promises to be kept only to know it will never happen. Track records speak for themself. The reality is people don’t typically change their core. You can improve and develop what you have if you really want to. Respect people’s time. Respect their level of commitment to you. Respect their feelings. Respect their children. Respect their time…did I say that already? If you SAY you are doing something DO IT. Don’t promise the moon and then not produce…not cool. Pie crust promises are just soul sucking. Easily made, easily broken. I guess the bottom line is I wasn’t as important to them as they were to me. That hurts.
Now that I have washed my hands of that situation, I cannot tell you how light and lovely I feel. Knowing is freeing. I am not as sad as I thought I would be. I was far more emotional while i was trying to decide what to do. Once the decision was made, it was very business like and comfortable. I like that. Do I wish things were different? Absolutely, but wishing is not the same as achieving. I cannot control someone elses behavior. You BET I want that skill, but alas…I am not magic.
With all the drama that has been circulating around both on WordPress and in my personal and work life, I am thankful for the peaceful moment I currently have.
Breathe with me <inhale through the nose> <exhale though the mouth> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh better? I think so.
My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I realize I wasn’t ready to let go. I have made major changes to my core and need to respect myself too. Now it’s all good and time to make new friends with a side of caution and a bowl of respect.