Today you told me to buy this:
You thought I might enjoy a plus-size corset from SpicyLegs.com. Facebook, take a good look at that gal…She is NOT A PLUS-SIZE Model! If I looked like her I would think about indulging in prettier underthings. I double dog dare you to squeeze me into that facebook. As it stands facebook, I have limited options. Granted, I wouldn’t spend serious money on it now because my sizes keep changing regularly. Besides, that is not the point.
Today you eavesdropped on my conversation with my pals. I was telling them about a snack time conversation I had with a FOUR YEAR OLD I had today. She asked me if I owned pajamas. You just couldn’t keep your comments to yourself now could you facebook? No, you could not. You didn’t even WAIT for me to give my friend an answer before you gave me options. Lets look at the options, shall we? Because as I glanced at all 4 of them, and facebook, you are getting to big your britches.
First of all, you suggested I purchase a Plus-Size corset. Then you showed me a picture of what I wouldn’t look like. Ouch facebook, ouch.
Secondly, you thought it would be fun for me to stay in my Pajamas ALL DAY and get paid to social network. Really facebook? Does Mark Zuckerman wear HIS pajamas all day? I don’t think so. People who wear their jammies all day tend to have labels attached to them, for example facebook, invalids, hospital patients, babies, Hefner, shift workers, Banana’s and apparently professional social networkers. I have a job facebook, and I quite like it thanks, AND I get to wear clothes to work.
Thirdly, you thought I might like to lose my belly fat. Again with the ouch facebook. In case you haven’t been reading my other updates, I will fill you in. I swam today for an hour. Yesterday I did 50 minutes of circuit training. I eat less and move more. Sure I have SOME belly fat left, but there is 4 clothing sizes less of me than there was at Christmas, so bugger off facebook. I refuse to pay you or your friends money so I can lose belly fat. That was a very low blow facebook.
The icing on the cake facebook was when you suggested. Lula Lu Petite Lingerie. One side of your mouth you are spouting plus-size and with the other AFTER I LOSE THE BELLY FAT, you want me in a -A cup size…NEGATIVE A????? Have you seen George Clooney’s (my future ex-husband) girlfriends? They are NOT -A’s. They have CLEAVAGE. And thank you very much facebook, so do I. I wasn’t even a -A when I was an infant.
Facebook, I know you are lonely and want to sit at the grown-ups table for cool conversation. But this isn’t the way to go about it. Blurting out hurtful and impulsive things is just not okay. In my line of work when you do stuff like that, you get a time out. Is that what you really want facebook? Don’t MAKE me call your mom, because you know I will.