Most of you know I am a teacher of young children 10 months of the year. Summer vacation is around the corner and I am very excited! Teachers are often more excited than children when summer break arrives. True Story.
Every year I learn a thing or two to add to fountain of useless knowledge. This year is no exception. Remember Kung Fu with David Carradine? And how he, the Grasshopper taught the Master and something new? Well, my dear readers that is exactly what happened to me. My young padawans became the Jedi Master and I learned many new things from them. So much, in fact, I wish to share some incredible lessons from my grasshoppers.
Things the Edmonton Tourist Learned in Pre-School
- You won’t die if you eat food found in the playground, on the bus, in the hallway or even on the bathroom floor. But fresh broccoli will kill you.
- Children have zero feeling in their faces from the nose down. It is completely numb. This is the reason their nose is constantly dripping. They have no idea slimy, colourful streams of mucus is always running down their faces.
- You can go all year without having soap touch your hands and NEVER get sick or miss a day of school.
- Wearing underwear under a dress or skirt is a good idea.
- It is socially acceptable to lick the bathroom floor. Your peers will not think it’s odd.
- If your bum is itchy – scratch it. If you can’t reach it – your friend will help.
- Closing your eyes makes you invisible.
- If an adult asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, say 4 and walk away.
- When you paint a paper gingerbread man and glue REAL candy to it, the grade 5s down the hall will eat all the glued candy off.
And the # 10 thing I learned?
10. Your mom doesn’t work at school, you have to wipe your own bum.