Filling the Void

It is no secret that I often look to other bloggers for inspiration. Just take a peek at the side of my blog under “blogs I like to read that I didn’t write”. There are a couple I turn to more than others, but I read them all at different times to fulfill a certain need. If I want to laugh, I have a blog for that. If I want to cry, I have a blog for that. If I feel like sitting with an old friend over coffee, I have a blog for that too. Some bloggers have crossed that threshold into twitter, and some more into facebook. AnotherGoalSetter often posts very thought provoking and inspirational things in her status both on facebook and twitter. I go to her for venting and or support and she comes to me. It is a lovely relationship because we have MANY struggles that are the same yet different.

I find it interesting that the Universe has provided me with support at the exact moment I had needed it. That’s not to say that I am not surrounded by people who love and support me, because I am. But do they understand what I am going through? Mmmm no, not really. They can empathise, sympathize and can listen but the understanding component isn’t really there. I had one tremendous support. This person was there for me every time I needed to talk. Our relationship shifted and altered and now they are no longer someone I communicate with regularly. Do I miss them? Deeply. Do I wish things were back the same way? In some respects, yes. In another, no. It was time for me to face things in a way they can’t help me with. Do I wish they could support me now? You betcha! They can’t. Fair enough. Do I still love them? Forever. But thank you Universe for showing me that I am not alone in my supports. And thank you Universe for showing me them in the first place. They were able to get me this far and I am forever grateful for those moments.

Today was a wonderful day…well it started out wonderful. I had a great day at work. I was so caught up in everything that I actually was distracted from my regular life for most of the day! Amazing! I love being that busy and focused! After work, I was fortunate enough to have a massage! I went to the MacEwan University Massage Therapy Faculty. For $15, I got a delightful hour!! I know…$15!!!!! But something happened that turned my world upside down.

My therapist was massaging my back and I started to weep uncontrollably! What the heck was that about?!?! She said it often can release some inner feelings or thoughts when you are totally relaxed and not on guard or focused. WOW, that was so true! I was so emotionally drained I went home to nap.

Then I read this. It is Derek Miller’s post mortem blog. He wrote it while he was alive, knowing that cancer was ending his life.

It got me thinking about my life. I am so busy and focused on my goals, I need to step back for a moment and assess my progress. I am 5 months into the Mo, 9 months into the Edmonton Tourist and I haven’t taken a vacation day yet. It can’t all be about accomplishing things. I know WHY I need to accomplish things, it fills a void. I think it is time to step back and look at WHY there is a void.

I don’t want a void in my life. So how do I fix that? Or is that a normal part of life? Just learning to live with the void and fill it will something else? What do you think? This is where I hope to hear from everyone. I want ALL of your opinions.

By the way, I consider you all my support too. Thank you for reading, commenting and coming back. I appreciate you too.

Love ET

10 thoughts on “Filling the Void

  1. Very tough question… I tend to sway back and forth with my thoughts on this one. From, yes it is normal and is what some consider the root of everyone’s desire to ‘try something new’, ‘be someone a little different’, ‘go somewhere’ – in other words our motivation to continue. I also sometimes wonder if it is something more… fulfilling our destiny maybe or realizing our full potential. But that kind of thinking tends to make sway back to the first thought, as the later seems a bit overwhelming. I’m curious to read other responses you get.

  2. Thanks for Derek Miller’s blog link. Very moving stuff, though I beg to differ with his assertion that the end is simply the end (though I guess he knows for sure now).

      1. I’m on board in disagreeing with his assessment of what’s next. I was touched by his words for his wife and all the reflection in the post. Really came at a good time for me to read it.

  3. There’s an allegory of a cave written about in Plato’s Republic in which prisoners are chained to an empty wall. A fire behind them illuminates the cave. Objects pass in front of the fire but behind and out of the line of sight of the prisoners.

    All they see is the wall and the shadows taking on different forms. The prisoners interpret the forms and shapes as being their ONLY reality. It’s all they can see, so why would they know any different. Plato suggests that philosophers are those like-minded individuals who turn around, unchain themselves (and sometimes others), and look for what’s creating the shadows on the wall.

    They do not accept the interpretations of the shadows as the only reality.

    Robyn, in this post and all along your journey you have stopped being one of those prisoners.

    Instead of being chained to the wall of the cave and believing the shadows ARE reality, you have unchained and turned around TO LOOK. You are seeing objects passing in front of the fire that were making the shadows. This is how you can ask the question about the Void.

    Kudos – scary – and definitely NOT for everyone.

    Once that happens, I have seen the bravest of people fail to be content with simply knowing WHAT makes the shadows to actually walk away from the wall, toward the fire and MAKE some shadows.

    How’s that for an idea of playing?

    So, ET, the void is optional. And so is how you fill it. And so is having one in the first place. It’s only a shadow.


  4. Holy Hannah Barb! You are simply amazing! You are correct in your assesment. I am not okay with just knowing, I want to experience it. I had a conversation with a very important person in my life. They gave me some hard truths and told me I am not being reasonable. They are correct. I am not being reasonable. I am so eagar to experience it NOW. It is a process. Time has shown me that. I need to accept that. It is only a void because it is not filled in the way i want it to be filled…yet. I am not sure I have the complete power to do that, yet I know I am responsible to do my part. That is all I can do. I am responsible for my behavior and choices. How people react to that is their responsiblity. So maybe it isn’t about the void, maybe it is about changing the circumstances so the void morphs into something else.
    I love the brilliant people in my life.
    Thank you both for the wake up call.

  5. Been feeling very similiar my friend, i think you realise for some time now. And yes, perhaps we too busy trying to rush in- filling it, that actually what we fill it with, will also leave much sooner then we can deal with.
    Would be so awesome if someone gave us an instruction manual for us. Troubleshooting here we come.

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