the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.
I have felt this emotion a few times in my life. Who hasn’t? Often one just wants to sweep it under the carpet or hide from it. I know I usually do.
I had a ton of time on my hands this week because it was Spring Break. For a change of pace I did not travel anywhere, not that I didn’t want too…but I am spending a lot of money lately trying to finish my degree. So, travel is just not in the cards for me…Yet, I wrote two term papers, went shopping, swam everyday and yogafide my body. It was the most relaxing week I had in a very long time.
Swim time for me is usually after work, this is peak time at the pool. Filled with swimming kids for lessons. As you can imagine it is loud, filled with kids laughing and screaming. It is hard for me to tune out all the noise, but somehow I manage. Thursday is Yoga day. I practice Yoga every morning, but my class is Thursday and I love the relaxing feeling I get from the silencing of the mind. I often can meditate on a question I have and find the answer. Yoga = Peace for me. Friday back at the pool, lessons are done so it is also quiet. It is a wonderful way to end my week.
Spring Break found me at the pool every morning. Often I was the ONLY person in my lane. Sweet, glorious heaven! I had time to reflect and ponder the jumble of junk that lives in my mind. I have been thinking a lot lately on shameful things I have done. I made the decision to no longer run and hide from them, but face up to them. Confront them head on in the best possible way that I am capable of.
So I did just that.
Do I feel better? Kinda…It is nice to have it out in the open. But it’s that kind of thing you want to squint your eyes at and deny. Dealing with the pain is just part of my Edmonton Tourist Journey.
When I started this journey on my birthday in August, I really never thought it might be painful. I was expecting excitement , joy and happiness. I found some of that, but I also found sorrow, regret, and shame. Facing it, owning it, admitting to it makes me accountable. It is helping me evolve. I am determined to start living my life here on earth with purposeful intention. Being present for my life.
Being present for my life
It is easy getting caught up in the fantasy that plays in your head, or the pretend game you can play. In my class today we talked about goal setting. Purposeful, intentional, achievable goals. I will stop running and hiding. I will face my demons. I will be present for my life.
Now I need to make it into a “Smart Goal” Here it is: I will reflect on my actions everyday, take the necessary action to love self and others.
My Goal? Yes
Time Frame? Yes
I will be present for my life…doable