A person I greatly admire and respect, is moving on to other opportunities. I want to be excited for her, but all I feel is an overwhelming sense of loss. I was prepared for her to announce her retirement very soon, and by soon meaning – within the next five years. That way I could be “moved on” first, not last. That is when I realized I am not in control of this situation.
We all know how I like to participate in decisions being made, and by saying decisions – I really mean telling you what to do. After all I enjoy it when Bossy Boots comes out to play. I love making decisions for other people. I love it because it enables me to live vicariously through their lives. That keeps it safe for me. My life then continues on at a steady pace, with me reaching out to attain my own goals from a safe distance. I don’t get hurt that way.
Off she will go, to brave new worlds and new situations (yes I watched Star Trek this weekend, but I am not quoting it word for word!) and to delve into uncharted waters. I guess I am envious. There is a situation in my own life that has me thinking about change. The thrill of the challenge, building a team that would need me in a way I am not needed where I am. It sounds so tantalizing and exciting. I really want to be a part of it. But that is me ALL OVER! I am always wanting to be in the thick of it, then cry because I am tired or stressed. This time, I am holding my tongue. I am standing back and only wishing it was me. The reality of my situation is I have enough going on in my life, so I need to be thankful for the challenges I do have and not create more. The Pity Party is at the table next to me, I am not going to invite myself over this time.
I am going to congratulate my friend and wish her all the best luck the world has to offer. I will wave good bye with a tear in my eye and a smile on my face. I am not being left behind, I just have a different job to do. This Tourist needs to remember that.